The Masturbator Strokes Again!

The lovely local life of Lewiston, Maine has once again entered our lives. Please, read on:

Well, it looks like our whacky friend has returned to the Bates campus to masturbate to female students once again. We would like to let you know that though this information was emailed out to the Bates community during the typing of this post, Man Space was informed beforehand of our most favorite unwanted visitor's philandering. Apparently, this time, he broke into an off-campus house, entered a girl's room, and was masturbating at the side of her bed. She awoke to find him there. Good God: that is fucking creepy. Unfortunately, the dipshit got away before any Bates students could cause him bodily harm, and security and the police are apparently on his trail. Whatever.

Here is a sample of what the Bates Announce email stated:

During the early hours of today, an unknown subject(UNSUB) entered an off-campus, privately owned apartment of several Bates College students. The students were asleep in the apartment at the time. The UNSUB described as a white male, brown hair, medium build, weighing approximately 175-200 lbs was masturbating next to one of the students when the student awoke to find him by the bed. The UNSUB then fled. The Lewsiton Police working with the students was able to create a composite picture of this UNSUB.

Also worth noting:

This composite picture is being placed at all dorms and major buildings. Should
anyone observe someone fitting this description and composite picture, please contact Security at 786-6111(from a non-campus phone) or 6111(from a campus phone). Security will call the LPD directly.

OK, what the hell is it with this UNSUB bullshit? We're all pretty sure this fucko is named S---- D----. You can view his "composite shot" right here. I think that I speak for most people in the Bates community that I'm getting pretty sick of all this crap. Can't these guys just go to the internet and jerk off to porn, instead of some chick sleeping? Seriously, how does this get this guy off? If that really is his fetish, why doesn't he check out SleepingBitch.com? Odds are the girls are definitely hotter than Bates chicks.

Anyway, with this incident occuring again, I really hope that I don't ever here another person bitch and moan if a Bates kid disrespects Lewiston; this place is Scumbag, USA. If you don't believe me, go to Wal-Mart at peak hours. I am all for a Facebook group titled "Lewiston Sucks" and other things of that ilk. Hell, our blog runs a themed group of posts titled "Why Lewiston Sucks" that will only be added to when we all get to return home for a month and get out of this town. If Bates students come to a town, they should not expect to run into random people masturbating on their porches or in their bedrooms, or expect to deal with locals who hate us because we are "privileged." I don't think that I should be forced to tolerate a place that only despises my existence, and I will happily continue to dislike and mock Lewiston.

We hope that if you do "cum" across the Mad Whacker, you drop a little line to your friends over here at Man Space before turning him into security or the police. Just like to see how he's doing. In the mean time, we look forward to our post three months from now when he has undoubtedly struck again, this time when a chick was taking a shit on the toilet.