Man Space

Hot Chick of the Day

2007-03-05T11:36:00.000-05:00

My pull from the weekend

I Hate Thesis

2007-03-05T00:10:00.000-05:00

Just a few rambles from a non-Jew as I try to find ways not to work on my thesis and fart in the library so it will smell, but no one will know that I did it...

I hate the Library Gnome. Of all the people at Bates that annoy me--and take my word for it, there are plenty--he might just top the list. Between the beard, the hair, and the size, the man is truly one of a kind (well, actually, I might know someone of similar proportions...but now is not the time for digressions). Too bad he might be the craziest nerd that I have ever seen. Every time someone accidentally sets off the alarm thing, he runs after them like an old woman who just had her bag stolen, except that she has a giant stick up her ass. I know I'm not alone out here. To you, Gnome, I give the picture below. I hope it makes you cry on your nylon stockings.

I can't stand it when people who spend every minute of their waking day in the library use it as their social gathering place. Look, I have no problem with people that only do work; it isn't my style, but who gives a fuck, right? As long as they don't bother me, we're all good. But when groups of these kids sit around tables and yuk it up like they actually got laid this past weekend seriously irritates me. Shut up, I'm trying to work.
Everytime I step outside of my house and walk the streets of Lewiston during the winter season, I get nautious.
My thesis is a hopeless project that will consume me for the next month, and I think I'd rather have the entire school known that I have hemroids than have to finish it.
I wish I had done some blow this past weekend.
I wish it was still the weekend.
I wish I was not in this horrible Rock-Cut Temples in Southeast Who Gives a Flying Fuck Anyway class. Easily the biggest botch of my entire Bates career. If this professor could be tenured, I legitimately think that I could be a respectable person.
I think that Lewiston is the most god-forsaken place in the entire country. I would never want to go somewhere worse.
March Madness is going to be incredible--I can't wait.

That's it for me. Sorry for the incoherence, but that pretty much sums up my state of hungoveredness/burned-out highness/tiredness. Better pieces will come in the week, and you can look forward to a thrilling biopic of the Commons Creep by one of your Man Space scribes. Enjoy your Monday; I know I won't.

Hot Chick of the Day

2007-03-01T17:52:00.000-05:00

We tend to think that girls like these are what prevented us from keeping Man Space going. Yet I digress...

Man Space

2007-02-28T17:21:00.000-05:00

Man Space

Whats up fuckbags. Yea Yaco is right, we're having a revival. I think its pretty safe to assume that no one reads this thing any, though its had its moments. Anyway, I think we just need to get some momentum and get some posts up there to offer up a little inspiration. So forgive me for whatever dumb shit i'm about to write, but it is your fault that ur reading this. Let's just have a conversation, just you and me, or better yet why dont u just listen to the complaints a rambling jew....

So Hey, hows it goin? Yea I'm good. Things are going well despite the ever present squalor that surrounds me. Im taking a few classes at school, one of them is about rock temples. Ash, I can't believe you took 3 classes with this guy...sitting in that class is like being in vietnam allover again, I finally understand why all those veterans drink so much, I would've rolled my wheelchair over a fire escape long ago if it were me.

How about that thesis thing, that shit sucks. Man it blows..shitfuck. Its like a paper. It's always the last days of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. Cept I didn't have any poignant moments or bang that pyscho spanish broad or swim in coke money. I did do coke once though, it made me feel happy, the kind of happyness a man could chase for the rest of his life.

I was thinking that instead of gettin a job when i graduate, I should just be inthe mafia. In the movies they never seem like they have to do work. I know they get shot and beat with bats and that typa thing, but c'mon it can't be that dangerous. Yaco wants to go to hollywood if things dont pan out. i like that idea, Danny DeVito is gettin old, he needs a protege to pass the torch to.

whoa, a kid just walked by me who looks like a neo-nazi, also I've been farting silently while sittin next to this decent looking chick, Im not sure how i stand on that issue. U got two options - you can rip one real loud, but ur taking the risk that it doesnt smell bad. Thats the whole bark but no bite dilemma. I like a smelly fart, give a man a sense of accomplishment; loud farts just mean you forced it out.

I feel like the parties have sucked lately, schoolworks a killer.

I shit my pants in first grade, it was a real hassle. U know, cuz u dont wanna admit it at first, but how the hell do u keep a stinky turd sittin in ur pants a secret. Poopy smell soon enveloped the room. I'm just glad it was first grade, and not last year while at a bar in England.

When I was 13, I used my dad's credit card to look at internet porn (those were the pre-napster days- horrible). It was good for a day, but he quickly found out. The worst part was, it was his company credit card, so I'm pretty sure he had to talk to the accounting department about it. If my kid ever did that I would make him talk to the accounting department for me, that would teach that masturbating perv a lesson. Oh yea, and it was like a broad membership typa deal that happened to include a few gay porno sites too. I think that worried my dad more, fortunately I'm not gay, im pretty sure atleast, i think so, yea, yes, yea definetely, i'm just girly like.

So that seems like a good note to end on. Have fun with ur shit. i'll be at the Tangiers.

Return of the Slez's

2007-02-28T15:03:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Scumbags and Perverts...

We are back!

I know what you have all been thinking for the past couple of months; those Man-Space guys are full of shit. They write all these brilliant things about great asses, prude chicks, and fantastic sporting moments, and then just decide drop of the face of the earth like K-Dubs after two hours of drinking. All of us here at Man-Space sincerely apologize for this and can only hope that you give us a chance to redeem ourselves. Spring is peaking its head out of the garbage piles and crack dens here in Lewiston, so there will be lots to talk about in the months to come. Just imagine a beatuiful spring day here in the Lewy; the smell of warm beer, cigarettes, and meth flowing through the streets while beatiful babes stroll the sidewalks with their XXXL wife beaters and waist length mullets. Nascar fans and Masturbators enjoying long afternoons of watching our womens sports teams practice on the turf, sipping on Beast Ice and trimming their mustaches in the back of their '94 pickups. High Guy will be happier than a slez in a whore house to see all the beer cans rolling around our front lawn, just asking to be collected. And best of all, the Commons Creeper will be able to enjoy four hour BBQ sessions on the library lawn talking to grus old ladies and munching potato chips one at a time.

Ahhh, the joys of spring. I hope you are all as excited as I am!
Please join us in the last months of debauchery in our college careers, because I garauntee you that it will be one for the record books.

Keep on Bougin!
Good night and good luck.

Hot Chick of the Day

2007-01-14T15:59:00.000-05:00

This chick isnt that hot but i like her style......

Hot Chick of the Day

2007-01-11T21:06:00.000-05:00

This is our back-to-school present for all of you who have already returned to college, or are coming back soon: a scantily-clad, school-girl whore.

Hot Chick of the Day

2007-01-10T17:50:00.001-05:00

I knew there was something I forgot to add to my Christmas wish list.

We're Ba-ack...With A Vengance

2007-01-10T17:50:00.000-05:00

Man Space has finally returned. We took a pretty serious break to recuperate our lives after nearly dying from finals. So we turned to booze to dull the pain and kill ourselves in another way. Regardless, the time has come to revive this little thing we call "Man Space". So now you can count on coming here and seeing hot chicks, reading about hangovers, and all the other things we love to vent about so much. Hello, 2007; be prepared for Man Space to take the last semester of our college by storm.

Man Space in Review: December

2006-12-31T18:49:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve, champange, and Asians: Good Times!

The end of the 2006 year oddly coincides with the conclusion of the second month in the history of Man Space. We hope that you celebrate both momentous occasions with ample amounts of alcohol. Considering how busy the month of December can be--what with Hannukah and all those other holidays--we figured that we would bring you up to speed on anything you might have missed on Man Space.

Final exams really took its toll on Man Space. It affected us on the toilet, produced incoherent thoughts, and made us realize how much they suck (obviously). But when it was all said and done: FREEDOM!
Our self-pleasuring friend stroked again! But, thankfully, he was finally apprehended.
An easy gift for all guys to get their girl for Christmas.
We provided some other YouTube entertainment, as well. Michael J. Fox, the ghostridin' phenomenon, and that odd leprachaun in the tree.
Some drinking advice from Scurvy. And be careful with egg nog at the holidays.
Ask yourself one question: can you really handle NOT smoking?
A funny picture of a local Lewiston resident?
And of course: we wished you a happy holiday season.

That's it from us in 2006. See you in 2007 (that is so weird), probably around January 6th, as we remain lazy as hell. Happy New Year, and we hope that none of your New Year's kisses give you herpes.

Previous Months in Review: November.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-12-26T14:29:00.000-05:00

Just like this girl, Man Space is "taking off" for a few more days. We'll be back full force after the New Year, but will post a month in review before the end of the month.

Justin Timberlake is Funny

2006-12-20T17:36:00.000-05:00

It turned out that getting dumped by the train wreck that is Britney Spears' life was possibly the best thing to happen to Justin Timberlake. I can't think of two more divergent career paths. JT divorces from his past image as a boy-band pussy, and becomes a respected artist even doing tracks with Snoop Dogg and T-fuckin'-I. Britney went from the hottest chick alive to a really, really gross bitch with a pathetic ex-husband who thinks he can rap. I think the saying goes: you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl.

Anyway. here is another example of JT's ascension into male respectability. I just hope no guy gives this to my sister.

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-19T18:13:00.000-05:00

Fighting over Christmas presents always was a good time...

For Those Who Have Not Heard...

2006-12-18T18:13:00.000-05:00

It seems that the saga involving the Bates masturbator has finally come to its sticky conclusion. This past Friday, 12/15, the supposed 'bator was apprehended by Bates security/Lewiston PD after being present at a Bates party and refusing to leave, claiming that he was "an undercover officer." Some of your Man Space scribes were present, but were unable to get a full on view of the man; no telling whether or not he was flaccid at the time of arrest. But we did arrive at said off-campus house as he was being subdued, so you could say that maybe he knew were coming, and decided to flee because he was a pussy. That's what we like to think, anyway.

It appears, then, that we will be without any masturbation incidents any longer at Bates this year, unless a new, power-stanced foe presents himself as a worthy adversary. Highly unlikely. While we're glad this guy has finally been captured--he is a sick fuck of the highest degree--we might somewhat miss the fact that he could be out there, J-ing at a Subway, or even a Quizno's. Scratch that: no way. Good riddance, pervert.

Also, I was scouring the Lewiston-Sun Journal for any type of print to confirm any of the above, and not surprisingly I didn't find anything. However, I did find this from about a month and a half ago. See if this sounds familiar:

The man exposed himself through a window in the Bates vicinity in the evening, and a few hours before that at the restaurant, Chick said. Subway employees saw the behavior and called police.

At Bates, students in a private residence near the college heard a banging noise on their window, according to an e-mail from Thomas Carey, director of Security and Campus Safety.

When the students went to see who was knocking on the window, they saw a naked, white man masturbating. The man covered his face during the act, then ran off. Authorities were called.

That is us! We're (in)famous? Maybe that is why so many townies come to our parties. Anyway, we hope this recent news helps you sleep well, and not worry that someone is at the side of your bed stroking it when you wake up.

God Bless Us, Everyone!

2006-12-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

Right now, I don't think that little bastard Tiny Tim could put it any better. Sitting here in my room back in Philadelphia, waiting to eat a late breakfast that is being prepared by the ever so nice Ma Dukes, I can't believe that the inevitable week of hell that is dreaded by college students worldwide, is actually over. Freedom, as San Fran put it, has finally arrived. No more 15 page papers, no more all nighters, no more "study supplements", no more cigarettes (well...), and last but not least, no more slez-infested, mullet-munching, tooth-lacking, stash-rocking, nascar-wearing, merciless-masturbating, crack-crazed Lewiston! Surviving a semester in Lewiston is about the hardest thing to do in college. I cross my lucky stars to have made it through another one. I am just happy to be home, doing nothing, sleeping late, eating great food, strolling the floors of my house naked, hoping that my neighbors dont see, but also not really caring because they are lesbians. Basically, I am just a happy camper. I wish the best to all you out there who are finishing up exams, papers, jobs, porn careers, drug deals, whatever. Just remember, work hard, push through it, and it will all be over as quick as the masturbator is porchside.

Best Wishes and Happy Holidays Er'body!

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMass Edition

2006-12-18T12:56:00.000-05:00

I hope the holidays never end...

Finals Finished: Time To Get Really, Really Fucked Up

2006-12-15T16:41:00.000-05:00

Frrrrreeeeeeeeeddddddddddooooooooooooooomm!

The conclusion of many of the "Worst Weeks of Our Lives" has finally come, and to say that we're a bit relieved would be an understatement. Turning in your final paper or exam is quite a cathartic experience: no matter how poorly you think that you've done, at least you've finally finished, and expunged yourself of the first semester. And now the real season starts; let's celebrate and get fucked up.

So Man Space wishes you a happy holidays, and even more importantly, a well deserved break from the hellish shitshow that is the end of a college semester. We hope you all enjoy catching up with your boys, medicating hangovers with home-cooked food, and rekindling any old flames, if that's your thing. But above all else: we hope you don't come across someone masturbating to you. That, my friends, is reserved for the glorious, drug-littered streets of Lewiston.

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-15T16:30:00.000-05:00

Feliz Navidad!

The Masturbator Strokes Again!

2006-12-14T16:32:00.000-05:00

The lovely local life of Lewiston, Maine has once again entered our lives. Please, read on:

Well, it looks like our whacky friend has returned to the Bates campus to masturbate to female students once again. We would like to let you know that though this information was emailed out to the Bates community during the typing of this post, Man Space was informed beforehand of our most favorite unwanted visitor's philandering. Apparently, this time, he broke into an off-campus house, entered a girl's room, and was masturbating at the side of her bed. She awoke to find him there. Good God: that is fucking creepy. Unfortunately, the dipshit got away before any Bates students could cause him bodily harm, and security and the police are apparently on his trail. Whatever.

Here is a sample of what the Bates Announce email stated:

During the early hours of today, an unknown subject(UNSUB) entered an off-campus, privately owned apartment of several Bates College students. The students were asleep in the apartment at the time. The UNSUB described as a white male, brown hair, medium build, weighing approximately 175-200 lbs was masturbating next to one of the students when the student awoke to find him by the bed. The UNSUB then fled. The Lewsiton Police working with the students was able to create a composite picture of this UNSUB.

Also worth noting:

This composite picture is being placed at all dorms and major buildings. Should
anyone observe someone fitting this description and composite picture, please contact Security at 786-6111(from a non-campus phone) or 6111(from a campus phone). Security will call the LPD directly.

OK, what the hell is it with this UNSUB bullshit? We're all pretty sure this fucko is named S---- D----. You can view his "composite shot" right here. I think that I speak for most people in the Bates community that I'm getting pretty sick of all this crap. Can't these guys just go to the internet and jerk off to porn, instead of some chick sleeping? Seriously, how does this get this guy off? If that really is his fetish, why doesn't he check out SleepingBitch.com? Odds are the girls are definitely hotter than Bates chicks.

Anyway, with this incident occuring again, I really hope that I don't ever here another person bitch and moan if a Bates kid disrespects Lewiston; this place is Scumbag, USA. If you don't believe me, go to Wal-Mart at peak hours. I am all for a Facebook group titled "Lewiston Sucks" and other things of that ilk. Hell, our blog runs a themed group of posts titled "Why Lewiston Sucks" that will only be added to when we all get to return home for a month and get out of this town. If Bates students come to a town, they should not expect to run into random people masturbating on their porches or in their bedrooms, or expect to deal with locals who hate us because we are "privileged." I don't think that I should be forced to tolerate a place that only despises my existence, and I will happily continue to dislike and mock Lewiston.

We hope that if you do "cum" across the Mad Whacker, you drop a little line to your friends over here at Man Space before turning him into security or the police. Just like to see how he's doing. In the mean time, we look forward to our post three months from now when he has undoubtedly struck again, this time when a chick was taking a shit on the toilet.

Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year........................................not!!!

2006-12-14T15:49:00.000-05:00

Well tomorrow is the last day of finals which is good because I'm not sure how much more of this shit I can take. This week has dragged out enough, and any will to study is decreasing rapidly by the minute. Whats the point of finals anyway? You spend 100000000 hours studying boring shit only to find that 1/6900 of the stuff you studied is actually on the exam. At least thats how the week has been for me. Yesterday was the worst however and I'll tell you why. I woke up at 7 am after having fallen alseep at almost 4 am, for my 8 am in final in econometrics. I wont get into too much detail about econometrics besides the fact that it is required for my major, and that it sucks more than sticking your manhood into a pitcher of ice water while standing on the quad in the middle of february. Anyways, Im sitting in this exam trying to answer problems like "does the regression have any heteroskedasticity in the error terms" and all the sudden I feel a rumble in my stomach. It was a when-you're-running-down-to-first-and-feel-a-little-burst type of feeling. Oh Shit, I thought, and boy was I right. Forntunatley, I had almost completed the exam. Unfortunately that was only because I didnt know what the hell most of it was about, and as a result raced through it in under an hour. But I knew the teacher would know I raced through it if I got up so early so my plan was to sit around pretending to do the exam until a few people got up and left before me. I looked at the clock and figured it would be another 15-20 minutes before those two or three genuises that are in every class actually completed the exam and got up. Indeed I was a facing quite a delimma. Then the queasiness entered a new phase. My stomach felt like there was a cereal bowl size whirlpool of gasoline spinning in it at 100 mph. Uh oh. I soon realized that if I didn't get to a bathroom fast, room 116 in P-gill was about to be grosser than the male bathroom of a freshman dorm after taco night at commons back when stoner mike (may his sanity RIP) was around. So I did what I had to do. I shat my pants then and there. Just kidding! Although that would have been much cooler, I grabbed the exam threw it into my professors hand (i could see the look of amazement on his face that id finish before the smart kid who always finishes early) and made my way out. All in all, the morning sucked. But the good news is finals are almost over and Im about to embark on a 3 week vacation from school. The x-mas holidays are a great time to sleep, drink, fornicate and watch tv, probably my four favorite activities. Until then I may or may not study for my last exam depending on how tired I feel after commons. But thats all allright because in 24 hrs ill be work/exam free for at least a month, and that my friends is a beautiful thing. In the meantime take care of yourselfs and watch out for masturbators.

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-14T15:45:00.000-05:00

Its the last day of finals. Thats means its time to take them panties off....

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-13T22:10:00.000-05:00

Ho ho hoes!

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You, Michael J.

2006-12-12T22:10:00.000-05:00

Bored in the library, I stumbled upon this YouTube clip.

Not too surprisingly, "Brokeback Mountain" is never going to headline a "Man Space Top 100 Movies List" no matter how well the film was made. Although I can't pinpoint the exact reason, there is just something about that movie--jeez, I don't know what--that just does not lend itself to a blog like this. But I've got to hand it to director Ang Lee: I don't know how the fuck he ever got Heath Ledger to spit on his hand and mock fuck Jake Gyllenhaal in the ass on camera. That is an achievement worthy of an Academy Award.

But, I think that it is a safe assumption that if the following movie ever did come out, it would be somewhere in the 50s.

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-12T21:57:00.000-05:00

Two for tasting?

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-11T16:43:00.000-05:00

1 2 3 4 want to see a little more? 5 6 7 8 sorry boys coffee break!

Finals Suck and So do the Cowboys

2006-12-10T23:18:00.000-05:00

Self portait, 2006.

If I took a class on how to be hungover, lazy, and useless, I would be Phi Beta Kappa no doubt. But because our school is so small, it lacks depth and variety in the courses that it offers; therefore I have resorted to being a history major which is very demanding. Because of this, San Fran and I were forced into taking a seminar that is about feminism, which is awesome! I can't tell you how much I love hearing a bunch of pissed off chicks complain about how men are pigs and how our society sucks, right on! Men suck and lesbians rule! So I have spent a whole day watching football to help stimulate some ideas for this fifteen-page paper that I have to write by Wednesday that is about the women's movement in the 60's. We also thought that some Pizza Hut and a little diarrhea (apparently something not all of us have experienced) would help bring profound thought to our alcohol-absorbed brains, which was also a genius move. But before long I realized that I wasn’t make much progress. So I thought that since I've been sitting here all day watching football with my computer on my lap maybe it would be a good idea to find some sources for the paper online. I thought of a website that really demonstrates the dynamics between male/female relationships, so I immediately went to teenstitsandass.com. I was surprised to see how many of those lovely young ladies seemed to love guys. How ironic for a paper on feminism? After my computer died twice and I exhausted all of these so called feminists sites, I decided I that maybe a change of scenery would give me a second wind. So I decided to make the move and get up from my chair and sit on the couch in front of me. It was a great call. I was closer to the TV and I felt more engaged with the work I was pursuing. Also, upon arriving at my new location, I looked up at the screen and noticed that the Saints, which will make me happy any day, were smoking the Cowboys. After getting a little exercise during the move, I felt a little less stressed about everything coming up this week.

Well right now Im getting pretty tired because it’s been a long day. So I think I am gonna celebrate my accomplishments by re-hydrating with a nice bottle of red wine. But it's merlot and I am not fucking drinking merlot. Just joking, I just wanted to say that. I actually will drink anything whenever, wherever, and out of whatever as long as there is alcohol in it. Well wish us all luck on our tough week ahead; day one is already under our belts, only five more to go!

Thoughts on Stuff...

2006-12-10T17:42:00.000-05:00

So we had a little holiday party last night equipped with a tree, lights, Mistle Toe, a plastic Santa, hot chicks, and, of course, booze. Although we did not have enough to last the night (who thought that two handles of rum, four bottles of Peppermint Schnaps, a bottle of Johnny Walker, and three fuckin' kegs would not last past 1am?), I was able to be amply drunk enough that I smoked about 20 cigarettes, which was great.

One of the staple drinks of the holiday season is egg nog, and of course we made a few batches and I indulged in more than one glass. I actually really enjoyed the egg nog; it wasn't too heavy and tasted great. I thought it could not have been better. That is, of course, until I had horrible diarrhea today. I don't know what it was about the egg nog (maybe it was the nutmeg) but it made me shit like I haven't shat since last Tuesday afternoon. Combined with French toast, one egg, coffee, and some bacon from the Pop Shoppe and let's just say I had a pretty rough go around this morning (like 2pm).

Anyway, my point is: be careful about how much egg nog you consume this holiday season. Although it tastes great at the time, trust me that the next day your asshole will feel the effects. And unless it is going to guaruntee you some ass, I would suggest staying away from the bow(e)l of egg nog.

Rooney: eat a dick.

Also: After watching "60 Minutes" tonight (a pretty good episode, by the way), I realized that I despise Andy Rooney almost as much as Carrot Top. What the hell is up with that guy? He just did a segment on what he gets in the mail (surprisingly not a boatload of gay porn magazines) and started playing the kazoo. I always thought he was a smug bastard, but thank God for Ali G exposing his douchebaggyness awhile ago. I don't even know why this guy has a job; does he offer any type of insight to anything, other than how to act like an annoying pussy? I don't think so. I hope he gets herpes from a toilet seat.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-12-10T15:16:00.001-05:00

Where was this chick at Chrismuaka?

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-08T12:42:00.000-05:00

I know here at ManSpace we pride ourselves on "keeping it classy", but let's just call this a wardrobe malfunction. Secondly, I'd like to make it known that the internet and cable in our house has been shut off, because we couldn't pay the bills. This has resulted in a lack of internet porn, and all the glorious things that accompany it. This being said, Yes...I did look at christmas themed porno pics in the library with other people sitting right next to me, and Yes...I may have j o'd shortly afterwards in the 3rd floor men's bathroom. But the point is, I did it for you! So whether you be at home or in the library, enjoy this titty guilt-free, you deserve it! Look at it as a celebration of the human form, not as the object of subjection that many would have you believe.

What Happens When Someone From Lewiston Gets a Hold of a Camera...

2006-12-07T22:08:00.000-05:00

This would be a part of our "Why Lewiston Sucks" series, but we cannot verify the origin of this terrifying picture. All we can do for now is wonder...

Yeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaa

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-07T11:32:00.000-05:00

If I was Jack Frost I might be nippin at something more than just this chick's nose.

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-06T10:12:00.000-05:00

Looks like someone's getting their stocking stuffed with more than just a piece of coal.

To Bouge, or Not to Bouge...

2006-12-06T01:50:00.000-05:00

In the most recent issue of our school newspaper an article was written that was extremely critical of people who induldge in the art of cigarette smoking. As a semi to full blown bouger (to say that I smoke a couple of cigarettes sober and a shitload when drunk) I was naturally annoyed about reading another cliche, anti-smoking attack. In the world we live in today, any discussion that promotes or at least accepts the smoking of cigarettes is an uphill battle. Supposedly there are some studies that say smoking is bad for you and everyone believes it...whaaaaatteeeeeveeer. Nah, I know cigarettes are bad, they are cancer causing, and obviously have some negative long term effect, so don't worry Im not pulling a Mel Gibson denial stunt here. I am an athelete, a bouging athelete at that. We may be a rare kind, but we are at least proud. If cigarettes had in any significant way impeded my ability to participate in sports, I tell you right now, I would have quit sports in a heart beat. But I got lucky and I was able to continue on my successful road as a below average-height allstar athelete. For all those atheletes out there who dont believe me, I am telling, you can bouge and still shred the nar, steez the slopes, lose football games, get crushed in baseball games, and kick ass in squash matches!. You might be saying "no way!", but believe me I have seen it with my own eyes. But enough about me. Lets get back to the subject.

So the author of this article states in his first few paragraphs that he has never smoked a cigarette. HOLD UP. How the hell can you be so critical of doing something that you have never tried. That would be like saying Europeans smell without ever having met one. It would be like saying Lewiston is a shithole without ever having been here, met someone from here, or at least tried Google imaging it. Even worse it would be like saying that you are from Boston, even though you don't even live within a 50 mile radius! My point is that you can't knock it until you rock it. I don't care if you have your first smoke and decide that it just ain't for you. Suck that puppy down and never do it again, be my guest, but just don't ever come to my house again. I tried crack once and it wasn't for me, so now I just sell it. There are always ways to work around the problem. At least I didn't go off and write an article, up on my high horse saying that crack is bad and that it causes problems, that would be ridiculous! We were all born with the ability to make our own choices and I am only here to try to preserve those liberties.

So now you may be thinking that I am just a walking advertisement for cigarettes...wrong (well if you hook me up with a couple of free packs maybe ill reconsider). I dont argue just for the sake of arguing, I actually believe things for reasons, bra. Here is an experiment that I have titled The Bouge Factor (BF), that will truly put to test the individuals who associate themselves with the Anti-Bouge Movement (ABM). There are three separate ways to approach this experient.

Number 1, The Booze Test
Please follows these steps accordingly

1) Pour out the equivelent of nine shots of Jack Daniels drinking liquid into three separate Solo cups.
2) Add precisely 1 cup of Coca-Cola to each Solo cup.
3) Drink all three cups within one hours time.
4) There is a mass exodus towards the side porch...
4) Ready for bouge!

Number Two, The Stress Test
Please follows these steps accordingly

1) Arrive at the library at 8am.
2) Proceed to sit at a computer and begin writing a 15 page paper on feminist theory.
3) Sit through the lunch hour and continue writing with exactly one bathroom break (you may choose what you do during that break, but only within the confines of the bathroom).
4) Continue through the dinner hour, now the library is really starting to suck, you step outside for a breath of fresh air...
5) Ready for bouge!

Number Three, The Yip/Romance Session
Please follows these steps accordingly

1) Go upstairs with our good friend BK and Co. and come out with a tingly mouth and a "I can take on the world attitude" OR
2) Take a babe/guy (your preference) upstairs to your room, and make the best out of it (hopefully much nieeccee) and when you are finished...
3) Ready for Bouge!

If you have have fully completed one of the three phases of the Bouge Factor experiment, then congratulations, you have achieved the title of Rookie-Bouger . If you have completed all three phases, then congratulations, you have achieved the title of Pro-Bouger. If you continue this streak for at least one month, then by God, you are a Pro-Bouger! In the rare case that you have completed all three phases, but did not complete the final step, then you my friend are most likely Amish, have at one point lived in the Bill, or should seek help immediately.

I hope that my words have enlightened some of you. Whether you take my advice or not, at least remember that deep down we are all friends. Bouger or Non-Bouger alike, cigarettes have been around since the days of our Fore Fathers. Do you really think Jefferson was able to write the entire Declaration of Independence without a friggin bouge break?? That would be like living in Lewiston for three days without having someone masturbate on your porch! It just wouldn't happen. So I would like to leave you with this:
(queue Scottish accent)
Some say that Philadelphia has wiped out Seven-Elevens and have smoked cigarettes by the hundreds! Others Say Philadelphia is 4'3 and I can blow smoke rings out of his arse! Well I am Philadelphia. And I see a school of college kids ready to defy a whole army of hippies! You may choose to pass, but at least realize that when you're old and lying in your beds, don't you wish you had one chance, just one chance, to say that they can take our lighters, but they can never take our Bouge!

Finals Are FUN!

2006-12-06T00:04:00.000-05:00

Over the past couple of days I've been mired with a workload that just seems unbearbly huge. I thought to myself over and over - how the fuck am I ever going to finish all of this shit on time. I quickly became overwhelmed with feelings of despair, I even contemplated what my chosen method of suicide would be (shotgun to the face, if your interested, course I'd get folded first, but still). I was suddenly appalled by my own depression, so I began thinking about why I shouldn't be depressed - Why?!?! - Because finals are FUN!

Alright, so maybe spending sleepless nights pouring out my soul in black and white just to make more work for myself and my profs, has turned my mind into rotten nothingness, but alteast hear me out.

SMOOOOOKE! Never had a cigarette before? Here's a great oppurtunity. I just got done reading that article in the paper about how cigs are bad, well that shit is WRONG! Your lungs are good, ur young, this is the time when you need to start fuckin your body up. Old people got it made! You got a chair with wheels so that you never need to get up?!?! I'm walkin around on my legs like a schmuck! You got a repirator that breaths FOR YOU!?! And here I am gasping like a little bitch. You have an attractive 30' something nurse who wipes ur ass for you after you poo!?!? So bum that bugs, collect your change and take a walk to russle, strike a match - and let the motherfucker burn. Ask that skinny kid from Alaska about cigarettes - he'll have a bugs in ur mouth before you can say "but hey I grew up without soda or high sugar cereals, and I could only watch 2 hrs of TV a week."

Like vodka? Try some redbull! In a week or so you can combine these two ingredients and keep yourself bumpin till 7AM, assuming your heart doesnt explode in ur chest first.

Check some bitches! Ever noticed how the library is full of all these chicks you never see outside of the library, and they all got those terry cloth sweats that just hang off the curve of their ass? Well come finals, you'll be swimin in terry cloth. So take a look around, maybe just take one of those swivel chairs from the computers and have a spin, you will be amazed at the birdies hiding out in the library. Discover that fetish for glasses you never realized you had. San Fran can vouch for this. Maybe I'm silly, but the hot librarian look is just unresistable. Good luck fightin the urge to J.

Finals are also your chance to master the art of procrastination. Peruse the internet until your retnas burn, and you can regail your friends with news stories you read on CNN.com about a young turkish boy who got eaten by a pack of wild pigs, while his family had lunch. OR god forbid, check man-space out, and tell everyone else to do the same, we wanna get to the point where we can start making money with this thing, or atleast to the point where we can heavily influence the popular culture at Bates.

Finally, find some inspiration. Push it to the limit, your a smart kid- or else you wouldn't be here, so make use of that IQ and study up. You've spent all semester working hard, and yet your fate comes down to 2 weeks of effort, kinda sucks. Finals week is the time to prove to yourself that your better than this shit, get ready - cuz this is war.

I repeat, this is WAR! Get inspired you douchebags, make no mistake about it - you are at war. Thats right, you are in the battle of your life. Picture yourself storming the beaches of normandy, machine gun fire swarms above your head as you crawl across the sand. You make it to the back line, only to find a lowly freshman wandering around looking for the other half of his arm (Intro to anthro paper- 10pgs). You just scoff, i mean c'mon, 10 pages... anthro?! Its on the natives of papua new guinea you fuck, just make some shit up, no one knows what the fuck those people are about. You crawl ahead, to find a sophomore with his guts just hanging out, on the phone with his mommy - "I miss home mom, I miss chips our dog, Its cold, my butthole hurts" - pussy. Finally you make it to the front line. Juniors and Seniors are passin out camels, taken token samples of sand to bring home, this is fuckin vacation - its Europe baby! While the machine gunners take a break to reload, you pop your head up to get a good look at the enemy. Tweed coats, wierd 1940's style fedoras, facial hair, thick glasses, wierd sandals, and books, just tons of fuckin books. Yea you guessed right, its the Professors, those word loving, freedom hating commies. You look up and down the line, you see kids from your classes (some of whom you've never spoken a word to in your life), you also see your buddies, and that chick that usta give you handjobs freshman year, who you dont even say hi to anymore when you walk past her in the quad- (do you wino); and guess what? They're all lookin at you. You look back at them, and they already know what your thinking - BONG - everyone take a book - summarize it, we'll have that study guide done in no time, oh your doing that paper?- yea I already got 8 pages - you need to step it up son. Whoa! someone has a copy of last years test - better spread that around like its the clap (the fuckin airforce has arrived my friends, and they're droppin bombs on those pill boxes full of profs.) You grab ur rifle/laptop and storm those fuckin machine guns, your sprayin shots, puttin dots of heads like its a part of their religion, tossin nades, and lettin 'em burn. When the dust settles, its Friday night, finals are over, your tests are done, and the company happened to stumble upon a cache of whiskey and bouge those profs had been hidin- time to pop something and roll something cuz its winter break.

Hot Chick of the Day - XXXMas Edition

2006-12-05T15:08:00.000-05:00

All I want for Christmas is a tube of Astro and The Liberator.

Ghostridin' the Whip in Lewiston

2006-12-04T10:20:00.000-05:00

The song below has turned into a new Man Space favorite. As the title would suggest, Mistah Fab wants us to ghostride, and ghostride we will. If you don't know what ghostriding is, it is a pretty simple concept; Mistah Fab basically explains it in the song, anyway.

(link for song: http://bboyflexi.imeem.com/music/JZ68I025/ghost_ride_it/)

Well, we tested out the Lewiston streets the other day for ghostriding and they were pretty receptive. Campus Ave. was treated to a decent show on Saturday around noon, hopefully one of many successful ghostrides. So keep your heads up, legs closed and eyes opened: you may see a dope, hunter green Subaru Legacy being ghostriden into the distance, disappearing as the sun descends into the Androscoggin.

And it looked infinitely better than this tool:

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-12-03T15:03:00.000-05:00

I've turned into a big booty short fan for some reason. This girl is a reason why.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-12-02T19:43:00.000-05:00

What a hot car…

"A Crackhead Who Got Hold of the Wrong Stuff..."

2006-12-02T13:50:00.000-05:00

With exams upon us, it is prime procrastination season, so there is a good chance that you will see a bevy of Man Space posts. In an effort to put off work as much as possible, I've been surfing YouTube regularly, especially after Boston and I realized that it was not kosher to look at porn clips in the library even if you're in the back room, and there are only guys in it. Oh well. Anyways, my perusing reminded me of one of my favorite YouTube clips of all-time, which I have provided below. It's difficult to put into words what is going on in this clip, but let's just say it has to do with a "leprachaun" in the hood. There are so many funny moments in this clip, but I'll just provide you with my favorite quotes:

"When you shine a light on it, it disappears."

'This wards off spells."

"This is a special leprachaun flute which has been passed down from thousands of years ago from my great, great grandfather, who was Irish."

"I wanna know where the gold at. I want the gold. Gimme the gold. I want the gold."

Well, I hope you are as entertained as I was.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-12-01T16:16:00.000-05:00

Now that is a great outfit for girls.

Man Space in Review: November

2006-12-01T02:15:00.000-05:00

Well readership, it's unbelievably been one full month since the creation of Man Space. It's hard to believe that this little place on the Worldwide Web reserved for the finest of males has already existed for 30 days; it seemed like only a few days ago that we gave birth to Boston's brainchild. Since our first post, we've come along way, and the journey has taken many twists and turns. We realize with all your busy lives that it may be difficult to keep up with your Man Space daily, so we're here to fill you in on anything that you could have missed. Without further or do, here is a quick look at Man Space in November:

We laughed at Borat. And substances abusers. And Bob Saget--kinda.
We mused about off-campus living not once, not twice, but thrice!
We discussed the compelling issue of the Platonic Sleepover. It was such a big deal, we even revisited it.
We offered a shitload of advice on the following subjects: the Monday Blues, Procrastination, guys going out (1 and 2), what to do over Thanksgiving Break, where to steal toilet paper, and gambling, of course (no links necessary).
We had part one of our probably 100,000 part series of "Why Lewiston, Maine Sucks."
We discussed the greatest American holiday.
We had part one of the bizarre "King Slezar of the Hill People" series. I don't even know what the hell this is, but I hope to see more.
We are guys, and discussed sports: Bates football, how much the Eagles suck, and how gay (or not gay) Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are.
And, recently: nice asses and final exams.
There was also our creed.
We even had a hot chick that wasn't that hot.
And some dipshit masturbated on our porch!

Of course, you can view our full archives on the right, and our Hot Chick Archive just above it. We hope this helps you in your attempts to procrastinate during this exam period, and that December treats us just as well.

The Top Tushes

2006-11-30T22:02:00.000-05:00

It's the posting you've all been waiting for. It's a constant topic at any male dominated table in the dining hall. The subject is usually spoken in a whisper, and until now has yet to be made public. Against the warning of my fellow contributors, I am proud to present you The Top Ten Asses at School. I know what your thinking. Is he really this much of a slez? Is he really going to sink to this new low of disrespect and scuminess? Is his penis really 10 inches? Well ladies and gents, the answer to all these questions is simple: YES. I spent the better part of my evening last night working on this very same post, only to have it accidentally deleted literally as I was about to post it. I thought about throwing the idea out the window. Perhaps is was a sign that such a posting would be recieved negatively and have dire consequences. But then I looked down into my pants and saw that I still had two balls, and by God I wasn't going to let them down. This post isn't intended to offend any of the females priviliged enough to make the list. Rather is should be viewed as complimentary. Not everyone has been blessed physically as some of these chicks have. They oughta be proud. It is important to note that this list isn't necessarily of the hottest girls at school, however everyone girl on the list is definitley a babe. It wasn't easy to decide the top ten and there are at least 20 other girls that could and should be on it, but when all was said and done this was the final product. As they say, ass isn't everything or something like that, but having a little junk 'n in the trunk never hurt nobody. I present to you 1-10 with #1 being the best.

NOTE: The letters of the girls names have been scrambled to protect their identities and to prevent me from getting sued/expelled. Should any girl that discovers her name wish to be removed from the list, please comment and immediate action will be taken. Have a nice day.

10. Leachima Terrac

9. Ganme Rytep

8. Eljui Yeshlek

7. Cegra Ginrehn

6. Helcar Darrneg

5. Aart Locaddmn

4. Yelsha Seddraw

3. Rushylec Neshya

2. Etiak Necho

1. Rasha Dreamlon

(Sidenote: I realized after I made the list that if any of these girls ever decided to do porn, they'd be all set for names)

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

I don't care how inappropiate you may find this post . This babe is awesome.

Finals Week...It's Like Dying

2006-11-30T10:35:00.000-05:00

There really is nothing worse than Finals. It is the time of year when every teacher feels the need to throw a 10-15 page research project on a student while also assigning a cumulative exam less then a full week later. Somehow, this does not fit the description of cruel and unusual punishment. I understand that every class needs finality, a way for a professor to end the course with one large, inclusive project. This is all good, in my opinion: it is how classes are designed. But what I hate--and makes me really despise doing the work at the end of the year, no matter how "intellectually enriching"--is that teachers feel the need to heap an inordinate amount of work on students that it literally makes their lives a living hell. Just take a look at the work I have for the upcoming two and a half weeks:

Two-three page seminar paper due this Friday.
Physics lab write-up due this Friday.
5-6 page paper due next Wednesday and two page journal in the same class.
12-15 page research paper due next Thursday.
Two final exams, the following week.
One take-home exam the following week.
20-page seminar research paper due Dec. 13.

Now, I'm not trying to get any sympathy; I'm sure my amount of work is just as heinous as any other students. Hell, I'm not even writing my fucking thesis this semester. God help those poor souls. I only wonder what professors really think. They can't expect that the normal college student will start working on his research paper in October, can they? I mean, I do want a college life, and that's normal, right? I seriously think that every professor is so disillusioned that they believe college kids have no lives, and the only class they are enrolled in is their own. Otherwise, how can you justify the amount of shity assignments that they give towards the end of the year. It is like a death sentence.

Speaking of death sentences, that is what my assignment list looks like right now. It reminds me of the shitload of work I had during the second semester of sophomore year, when I pulled at least four or five all-nighters in a span of no more than 10 days. When I would walk to Commons at 7:30 every morning to eat breakfast on those late, late nights (the only times I would ever eat breakfast that year) I would feel like a zombie. That feeling was the closest to death, or just the shittest I could possibly feel. And this year, the daunting amount of shit I have to do will require at least that amount of effort. The thing is, this time around, I don't care half as much. All my years of busting my ass at Bates have finally broken me down to the point that I would accept a B on every single grade happily, and a B- probably as well. It has finally reached the point where I hardly see the point in so much work; I'm beyond it, if that is even possible.

And my only question is: is this the idea that professors have when they create their courses?Do they have any idea that the work they assign is only relished by kids who lived in the Bill before the chem-free label was removed? That it completely breaks the will of a student to learn, and many just want to get by, turn the fucking assignment in, and go home and get drunk to forget that it even happened?

Well, the final two weeks of the semester start in roughly four days, and I just wanted to vent before my life began its descent down the shitter.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-28T17:35:00.000-05:00

Although I know I haven't posted in a while, I rarely ever have trouble finding a babe for out site. I wonder what city outside this chick is blessing with that figure? Chances are, its not Lewiston.

Jigga What? Jigga Who?

2006-11-28T10:38:00.000-05:00

Philadelphia showed us this sweet YouTube clip the other day and it left us all impressed, jealous, and with penis envy. Well, that last part is not true--because, you know, we're amply endowed--but it is truly a cool clip. It is of Aries Spears doing impressions of various rap artists. Better than anything he did on MadTV if you ask me.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-27T23:04:00.000-05:00

It's exam time; we're getting serious.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

Obviously this chick has class....just look at her earings.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-23T20:02:00.000-05:00

What Joe Buck and Troy Aikman weren't looking at when they announced the Dallas-Tampa game...

Just In: Joe Buck and Troy Aikman Not Gay

2006-11-23T17:57:00.000-05:00

When FOX allowed their top broadcasting team of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman to bring their children into the booth to wish the viewing audience a Happy Thanksgiving, it proved to America that they were, in fact, not gay. This came as a jarring surprise to probably everyone viewing the game, and especially us over here at Man Space, who have believed Buck and Aikman to be homosexuals for over a year now. It's not like there is anything wrong with being gay, but we believe that it would be kind of ironic if a network's premier broadcasting team of the manliest of manly sports (we're not talking squash here) were, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, "girly men".

It is not like Buck and Aikman, though, were not trying to dispel these suspicions, even on the day of the truth revelation. About 30 minutes after the pair's set of daughters left the booth, the FOX camera crew panned to the halftime crew preparing for the halftime show, which was basically watching them have makeup put on. Of course, this got Buck and Aikman all giddy. The pair began a long discussion about wearing makeup, and Buck even admitted that he wore so much that he need to chisel it off. Wow. But that wasn't even the best admission of the two. Aikman began to question why Buck even needed to wear so much foundation and other crap, citing that it was unnecessary because he was so young. Aikman confided that he understood why they were loading up the bald-as-shit Terry Bradshaw, but couldn't comprehend why Buck would require so much facial attention. After he made this statement, the camera settled on Howie Long, who was not being doctored at all. Aikman noticed this, and uttered "Howie doesn't need any makeup because he is so naturally good looking." At that point I said to myself: "This needs to go to Man Space." Is Troy serious? It literally sounded like he was interested, if you catch my drift.

And this was probably not the most blatant instance of sexual ambiguity that this twosome has revealed. Last year, Man Space was viewing an Eagles-Chiefs matchup that Buck and Aikman were announcing. At halftime, Aikman began to dance and Buck gushed on his "moves" and proceeded to--while the camera was on the two in the booth--check out Aikman, head to toe. I am not kidding. Philly, Boston, Long Island, and Brooklyn were there, and we DVRed the thing at least 10 times. It was one of the best moments of my life. I could not believe it.

All of these musings really makes me wonder whether those really were the daughters of Buck and Aikman. They could of just been hired by FOX to act as their children for Thanksgivings sake. I don't know the truth, but I guess I will just have to take them at their word. I'm looking forward to seeing what Mrs. Buck and Mrs. Aikman have up their sleeve for the second half. Even though they may not be each other's butt-buddies, at least they still act like it on national television.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-22T20:22:00.000-05:00

This babe is from Break.com and she is fucking gorgeous. Remember this adage with clothes, ladies: less is more. Always.

Turkey with a Side of Bodog

2006-11-22T19:19:00.000-05:00

Coming on the heels of winning two parlays last night, I've decided to reopen my sportsbook to you all. Since Thanksgiving is a holiday of food, football and hangovers, it goes without saying that gambling is--and should be--involved. That is why I'm here. Let's take a brief glance at the games of tomorrow, which you should be watching pretty hungover. And if you're not, do yourself a favor and never come back to Man Space ever again.

As usual, all the following lines are from Bodog.com and at the time of post, and the pick is the team with spread in parentheses.

Dolphins (-3) @ Detroit: The pick here is Miami for the simple fact that Detroit is pathetically atrocious. I never thought I would ever put money on Joey Harrington, but the Lions have become so comically bad, that a Joey Harrington quarterbacked team is actually favored on the road. Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Probably. Think of the vindication he would have if they won, too. On a side note, ESPN ran a feature with the "all-unheralded team" today, and the quarterback was Jon Kitna. What the hell is he unheralded for? Being bad? Losing more games than he wins? Making back-breaking turnovers at crucial moments of the game? Sometimes the Worldwide Leader is just retarded, plain and simple.

Tampa Bay @ Dallas (-11): Normally, I tend to stay away from non-college games with double digit spreads, but, as Borat would say: "I Like!" Fresh of his date with Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo is sitting on top of the world (and now has an endless supply of Imagination Station material). The Bucs have been dreadful this year, and there is no way a Polish quarterback will overcome this Parcells defense. I mean, the Poles got destroyed in something called World War II, and since every football game is a war or "fill in the term to exaggerate everything that has to do with the NFL and football", how can we trust a guy with history as a loser? Am I alone here?

Denver @ Kansas City (-1): Leave it up to the NFL to screw the fan over once again. Two terrible games on primetime networks, and then they throw this game, unquestionably one of the top games of the week, on the fucking NFL Network. What the hell, Roger Goodell? Sometimes, I really just can't stand everything about the NFL. Then, the Niners go and win three straight, and I'm transfixed once again. It's the cyclical life of a football fan. The final score of this game will definitely be low, so the under is looking attractive as well.

Attractive Lines:

Texas A&M (+13) @ Texas: It's a rivalry game, and Colt McCoy is hurt. Is this a joke?
Cincy (-4.5) @ UConn: Let down after Rutgers? I don't think so.
Georgia Tech (+2) @ Georgia: Did they forget that Georgia's quarterbacks are terrible?
Boise State (-3) @ Nevada: It is the biggest game in school history. Do you think they'll blow it?
Notre Dame (+7.5) @ USC: I want the Trojans to win, but this is an absurdly high line.
Carolina (-4) @ Washington: We've switched to the NFL. Jason Campbell, meet Julius Peppers. You'll know him as the guy that is pulling you to the ground all game long.
Oakland @ San Diego (-13.5): This is going to be ugly. Superugly.
Philadelphia @ Indianapolis (-9.5): Let the Jeff Garcia roadshow begin. Sorry, Philly, you can't be helped.
San Francisco (+6) @ St. Louis: Get on the bandwagon, here come the Niners! They've won three straight, St. Louis has lost five straight, and the defense has perked up. God they better not blow this one.

Makin' dollars not cents

Cold Sore Game: You remember. Treat these games like the girl you see when you're out carousing who has a cold sore. As in, "Stay as far away as possible".

Chicago @ New England (-3): I still don't trust Rex Grossman. The Pats haven't played great recently, but they are at home. Play at your own risk.
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore (-3.5): I just don't know about the Ravens. Are they the luckiest team in NFL history? Seriously. Despite Big Ben's poor play, he's been able to pull a couple of wins out of his ass. I still don't like him, nor this matchup. Shouldn't be a pleasure to watch, either.

Funny Non-Sports Gambling Prop: There are so many reasons why I love Bodog, but the non-sports gambling options really get me. This week's favorite, below.

"Who will Britney Spears publicly date next?" Yes, you read that right: this is a betting option. It narrowly edged out "Will Britney Spears apply to have the last names of Jayden James Federline and Sean Preston Federline legally changed to Spears by December 31st, 2006?" I just think the top one can't be topped. Bodog, I love you.

Enjoy your munching and football tomorrow. And best of luck to you gamblers, may the spreads be with you.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-21T19:28:00.000-05:00

Is this how all fish-net stockings are designed??? I sure as fuck hope so!

How the Mighty Have Fallen

2006-11-21T15:24:00.000-05:00

Just in case you haven't already heard, Michael Richards, Seinfeld's Kramer, made some pretty racist and distasteful remarks in one of his comedy acts. Apparently, the tirade was aimed at hecklers in the front rows of African American descent. Thankfully, YouTube is on the spot when we need it most.

Richards has since apologized (video), but still, this remains just a really bizarre occurence.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-20T19:22:00.000-05:00

I think the caption says it all...

Crash Eagles Crash, On the Road to Misery...

2006-11-20T17:06:00.000-05:00

Well, when you think it can't get any worse, Philadelphia sports teams somehow know how to perform miracles. Not the kind of miracles like when you think all the beer is gone and then find that last thirty in back of the car, or when you think you have a paper due the next day and then find out that class got canceled (true story). No, not those kind of miracles. I’m talking about unthinkably bad things that happened. Yesterdays game was like being told that you're fired, and then having a homeless guy run up and kick you in the balls for no reason. Now don't take me as one of those typical Philadelphia sports fans that loves the teams when there hot, and then drops them like Federline did Brittany when they start screwing up. Though I have at times been very frustrated with Philadelphia sports organizations, I still am and always will be behind my teams one hundred percent. But for some reason, some crazy reason, on Sunday afternoon, I just couldn't understand why. Yesterday was the first day I began to believe in God, because I realized that he truly fucking hates the Eagles. Last season, we're fresh out of a super bowl, following the best season the Eagles have had in 25 years. Excited for another winning season, Philly fans are eager to see what Andy Reid has up his sleeve for the 2005-2006 season. But what happens? Our newest and best player, the infamous T.O., decides that because his cock is so small, he might as well start bitching about his contract even though the entire city of Philadelphia loves him despite his egotistic and his narcissistic behavior. He brought us a super bowl, we bring him praise. But we are all humans, even those guys in the NFL, and as humans have a tendency of doing what we do best: fucking things up. So T.O. holds out, Andy Reid doesn't take shit, and before you know it, arguably the best player on the eagles is now in Dallas, only to become the most hated player in Eagles history. OK, no big deal, the T.O. show is over, we can still do this. But wait, that isn’t enough drama. We need more bad luck or things would seem too perfect. Fortunately we got it. One Sunday in the fall, the big guy in the sky decides to deliver a monster hit to McNabb; and boom he gets a hernia that pretty much puts him on the Injury list for the duration of the season.

So that was last season, a season that us Eagles fans would frankly like to erase from our memories. But come August, most of Philadelphia had turned our bitter hatred towards T.O. (and all the bad luck that he represented) into a fiery desire to kick that shit out of not only the Dallas Cowboys, but also the majority of the NFL. With a late pick up of Dante Stallworth, adding a little bit more experience to our young secondary, things were looking seriously promising.

Let’s fast-forward to 1:00PM Sunday afternoon. The Eagles are looking at a 5-4 record after some unfortunate losses that could have gone either way in the last minutes of the fourth quarter, or in the case of the Giants game, the last minutes of overtime (lost by field goals to end the game by both the Saints and the Bucks). Other than the Colts and the Bears, nobody was quite running away with the league. It was up in the air, and for some reason it felt like the Eagles were ready to turn on the burners and send Philly right back to the NFC championship game, a game that up until last year seemed like a regular part of our season. Although off to a slow start, both defensively and offensively, the Eagles looked like they just needed some time to figure out what they needed to do to plough over the 3-6 Titans that were being lead by a rookie quarterback. I’m sitting there thinking, first quarter passed, no worries, we'll be in great shape by the half. But then the unthinkable happened. I had to take a piss...really bad. Well, it wasn't the piss that was unthinkable, but it was what I saw on the television after I returned from the bathroom that I couldn’t believe. McNabb sitting on the sideline grabbing his knee unable to get up. This is Donovan McNabb, a guy who passed for over 300 yards with a broken ankle and played more than two games with an abdominal hernia. This guy is tough and he can play through just about anything. But seeing him get carted off the field at the Linc, I knew something bad happened. So when Garcia, an experienced and winning quarterback, stepped on the field, I just prayed that we could maintain our focus, that McNabb was alright, and that we could send these goddamn hicks back to Tennessee.

Well, that didn’t happen. After a painful 2 hours of dropped passes, dropped interceptions, and missed tackles, I watched my Birds steadily lose altitude. Garcia did what he could for only having thrown the ball once the whole season (although he still played like shit). Westbrook had a hell of a game and we can only thank him for at least providing some offensive hope to make the game at least watchable for the second half. But our defense just got rocked and that was all there was to it. When your starting QB gets knocked out of the game, the defense has to be called upon to be the glue that holds the team together. Well Sunday, someone forgot to go to the hardware store, because that glue wasn’t there. We had our chances and we missed them. McNabb is out for the season with a torn ACL, the Cowboys pulled off an unbelievable game against the undefeated colts, and we now, for the third time in the last five years, have to rely on our back up QB to take our already struggling team to the Promised Land.

All I can ask is that if there is a God, will He, She, or It at least realize that we Philadelphians have been to Hell already and back again, and it really wasn’t fun. You gave Boston a chance to reverse their curse, now will you give us ours?

Hot Chick of the Day #2

2006-11-19T22:31:00.000-05:00

Because we didn't want you to think that we forgot about missing two days...

Bates Needs a Sense of Humor

2006-11-19T15:05:00.000-05:00

Fucking hilarious

This past Monday, Danny Tanner was in the house. Yes, the legend himself (check out this site), Bob Saget, came to perform his comedy act at Bates College. What you have to realize is that at Bates, students are rarely treated to exciting on-campus events, as we garner—at most—one concert/big deal guest a semester. When they do grace the campus, it is a pretty big deal. I mean, when a shit-head like Gavin DeGraw performed, girls went nuts, and I think that 95% of the male population still doesn’t know who he is. So when the man who gained fame for his cleaning prowess, morning talk show capabilities on “Wake Up, San Francisco”, and corny-ass jokes on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”—basically a guy who I proudly watched for over an hour a day for like seven years—decided to come to Bates, I was happier than a pig in shit.

Like with the Borat Experience, I was pretty amped. I knew Saget was raunchy, his act a foil to his well-known TV sit-com personality as a ball-less sissy. Unfortunately, the campus was drier than a seventh-grade girl (my inner Saget), and I couldn’t be stoned off my ass like I was at Borat. But I was confident in Bob; he had never let me down before.

The act, in my opinion, was hilarious. Although it was obviously scripted, it hardly seemed that way. Bob sounded like a deranged drunk, rambling on whatever topic popped into his head at the particular moment, constantly cussing, playing to the audience, and always talking about the chicks he “banged”. It was the greatest performance in potty humor I have ever seen. He perfectly played off of his Danny Tanner character (“You don’t want to shit me. You don’t want Danny Tanner coming out of your asshole”), brought up great references to Dave Coulier and John Stamos (including the immortal bathroom exchange with Uncle Jessie in front of the 17 year-old), and capped the act off with the song “Danny Tanner is Not Gay”, a question I have pondered ever since I saw my first “Full House” re-run at 14. All in all, the show was a resounding success, and I was laughing about it three hours later as I watched a re-run of “Full House”.

Obviously, I knew Saget’s act would not go over well with every member of the audience, because not everyone has my adoration for inappropriate humor. So, when I heard some did not like his display, I really didn’t care; they probably have a terrible sense of humor. But what really pissed me off was when I walked into Ladd Library and read some of the abominations written on that stupid giant notepad in the front lobby where people can write whatever they want anonymously.

To summarize, people had made comments saying that Saget’s act—and Bates students acceptance of his jokes/humor—reflected poorly on Bates as a whole, and what a Bates student values. The idea was the fact the students as supposedly intellectual as those that attend Bates should not find the juvenile potty humor of Saget entertaining. What the fuck are these people talking about?

There are so many retarded contradictions and idiotic assumptions being made by these people, that I’m not necessarily sure where to start, but I’ll try. First of all, the notes on the board assumed that all Bates students have the same values, something I could not disagree with more. I like to think I have nothing in common with a kid who lives in a single in Adams and is double majoring. Why, just because we attend Bates, means that all students have to have the same value system, is beyond me. Furthermore, saying that enjoying Saget’s humor was a poor reflection of what Bates students value is foolish. There is little correlation between what a person “values” and finds funny; do you think all of Chris Rock’s fans (if they still exist) hate white people? I’m guessing no, though his act always rips into white people. There is also a presumption that enjoying Saget’s raunchy humor is somewhat wrong or juvenile. Why? I’m sure these are the same people that loved Borat’s act, which is based on similar childish humor. In one scene he hands a woman a bag full of his own shit. In another, he and his fat-ass partner are running around a hotel ass naked fighting. Neither of these scenes would be considered high-brow humor. So why the contradiction with Saget? I don’t fucking know.

All of this ridiculousness leads me to one conclusion: most Bates students need to get a sense of humor. Too many times, Bates students take themselves too seriously, and I think that this instance with Bob Saget is a perfect reflection of that. He came to this campus to make people laugh, and he did a good job. He did not come here to test our “value system” or whatever that is--I just value getting fucked up every weekend.

I think the bottom line is that I’m just a college student trying to enjoy my time in college before going into the real world. If Bob Saget performs at my school and makes me laugh, I’m going to laugh and not give a fuck whether or not it reflects poorly on Bates values, or some shit like that. We can all act mature and grow up later; acting serious and making an issue out of nothing can happen when we're older. I suggest that Bates kids need to relax, get a sense of humor, and get off their pedestal. No one is taking you seriously, and you may be missing a good time.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-19T14:46:00.000-05:00

Well, we have all been in transit, so there has been no activity on Man Space recently. Have no fear, however: we'll be updating over the holiday, occaisonally.

Of course, we'll obviously give you a hot chick every day. I don't know what it is, but for some reason, I'm into the "panties-no-top-on-the-bed" look recently. Really, "perks" me up.

Top 5 Things To Do Over Thanksgiving Break

2006-11-16T15:32:00.000-05:00

Greetings. Its been a while since I've posted. I've been reluctant to post recently after a fellow contributor/good buddy in his drunken state "accidentally" revealed to a certain female a posting on man-space that was about---- yes you guessed it: her! It wasn't a terrible negative posting but it was bad enough where it made the entire encounter akward for all parties involved. But one must remember blogging is a dangerous practice, and only the strong survive. Therefore, I'm back and ready to spew my knowledge, and other things as well...Anyways as our dear Yaco pointed out, thanksgiving break has indeed decended down upon us. I'm sure most people reading this agree its a much needed break after basically two and half straight months of class, papers, tests, and perhaps worst of all, lewiston. For those of you sticking around any longer than friday to work on your thesis or something unfun like that, well I only have one thing to say to you: It fucking sucks to be you! The rest of us will pile into carpools of one sort of another, whether it be a greyhound bus, or philly's luxurious suburu. Once out of lewiston the opportunities for entertainment are endless. It can be overwhelming. What to do first??? But don't get your panties in a bunch. Fortunately, I have compiled a list for you instead of studying for my econometrics exam tomorrow. Enjoy.

5. Sleep late. After two months of going to bed at 3am and getting up at 9am you're body is in some serious need of catch up sleep. (Weekends don't count because in terms of rest for your body, drunken sleep is the equivalent of studying all night, except that one is awesome and one sucks) I know doctors say 7 or 8 hrs will do, but what the hell do they know? I think 10 or 11 hrs is the desirable amount in order to keep your mind fresh and you're body healthy.

4. Try a new drug. This break is close enough to finals where you have to stay alert, but far enough away so that your brain has time to recover before they start. So whether you're an athlete who has always wanted to try mushrooms, or a thesbian curious about vikadin, now is your time to explore. For you seniors, the appropiate window for experimenting with drugs is getting smaller and smaller by the day.

3. Watch football. There are some great match-ups coming up this break both in college and in the NFL. The break starts off with ohio st (#1) vs michigan (#2) on saturday and ends with indianapolis vs philadelphia on sunday, which was moved to a night game specifically so that our buddy Philly would be back at the house in time to watch his beloved eagles get raped and murdered. (For this upcoming weekends picks, refer to felix's sportsbook article that should be posted in a day or two.)

2. Read a book. Someone somewhere (Jesus maybe? or was it FDR?) said that reading was good. I'm inclined to believe him/her.

1. Sleep with a chick you went to high school with. One of the great things about going home for break is seeing buddies from high school. Inevitably, someone will throw a party, or there will be a gathering at the bar of sorts, usually the wednesday before thanksgiving or the friday or sat after. This time instead of standing around, ripping shots of Jager with your buddies like the good ole days, I urger you to pursue that girl from high school you've always wanted to fuck. Maybe you've gotten a little better looking over the years, but more likely she'll just be really drunk. Regardless if you see the opportunity: go for it. Now is the time.

Well I hope my advice has been helpful. If you follow these 5 guidlines for break, I guarantee you'll return to school refreshed, rejuvinated and most importantly, a better man.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-16T13:11:00.000-05:00

She's already assuming the position...

Thanksgiving is My Savior

2006-11-15T20:16:00.000-05:00

In this day in age, being an American sometimes aint as easy as it used to be. This past August, I returned home after an eight month voyage around the world. I wasn't pulling a Marco Polo kind of trip. For every camel that he rode I smoked a Camel cigarette and for every time he asked in a different language "where's the closest village" I asked "where's the closest bar". I mean shit, the times are a changing, and traveling around the world just isnt what it used to be. But I have to say, even though I wasn't exploring unchartered territories, I was exploring a world that was pretty different than the world I grew up in, which is the U.S. and A.. Now we all know that America is on the world’s shit list because we went off and started a war in the middle of Iraq which is in the middle of the Middle East which is also the epicenter of the Muslim world (no big deal right?). So we have pissed a lot of people off and have given the world a justifiable reason to give us some heat. So, in my first couple months abroad, I wanted to lay low as an American. Instead of getting a 16oz. coffee at Starbucks, I hit up the closest Cafe and got a nice little cappucino and sipped it for an hour while having a cigarette. Instead of having fly-by dinners consisting of a hoagie, chips, and a 20 oz. Coke, I enjoyed a nice three course meal of wine, pasta, and cigarettes. Instead of wearing baggy pants, I tried wearing skin tights, but unfortunately my thighs were too thick.

It seemed like heaven, it for a while it was. But I wanted to get to get the full experience of being abroad, so I started talking with people. Now generally, in any conversation, if you notice someone else is a foreigner then you ask where he or she is from. It was obvious I was an American, so generally that excited people (sometimes in negative and positive ways) But I realized that the more I revealed my identity as an "American" the more I found myself locked into endless discussions about American foreign policy, the incompetence of George Bush, and America's obsession with itself and its obliviousness to the rest of the world. Sometimes it was interesting but sometimes I was drunk and just didn’t care. After about three months of these conversations, I realized that I wish I was just always drunk, because it became frustrating and frankly, I started to get a little insulted that so many people just ignored the fact that I maybe had the slightest bit of respect for my country, despite all that was going on. So I went through a re-Americanization phase: I bought a a red, white and blue bandana, a cowboy hat, and a bottle of Jack and streaked through the streets of Rome singing the national Anthem...pssssycccchhheee! Actually, I just thought of the thing I loved most about being an American. I thought of an American experience that all these slezzy euro-mullet, tight jean wearing, Virginia slim smoking Italian guys were deprived of. That my friends, is the holy day of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving, the holiday of all holidays, the meal of all meals, followed by the bouge (cigarettes) of all bouge, and the dumps of all dumps, is possibly the greatest day in America's history. A day when family, friends, neighbors, teammates, and porch masturbators can come together in munching matrimony to appreciate the greatness of our American culinary roots. It is a day when we can put down our M-16's and pick up our forks to indulge ourselves in a meal that really represents what America is all about: munching face and watching football. It is a day when we can pretend that we didn't screw over the Indians, but instead had a happy feast that represented our warm welcome to the new world (hurray!). It is a day when college students can for once be happy about a post-blackout hangover because we don’t have to be eating food from our dining hall. Most importantly, it is a day when every type of American can lounge around the house, enjoy the company of our family, appreciate the genius of cooking, respect the beauty of the NFL, and acknowledge the importance of cable television.

So I hope you can understand my story, though long and at points indirect, it is of great importance to me. Because for all those times when I felt that being an American was a burden rather then a blessing, I always reminded myself of one day. The day that is exactly one week from tomorrow, the holiest day of the year, Thanksgiving.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-15T14:55:00.000-05:00

She's a bit overdressed for my taste but hey, you can't win em all. (Also, is that a syringe in her hand?)

Why Lewiston Sucks, Part 1

2006-11-15T13:13:00.000-05:00

This is part one of our likely 10,000 part series about why Lewiston, Maine sucks. We are not really fond of our college town, to say the least, and this blog provides us a vehicle to vent our frustrations. Obviously, the place isn't all bad, but it definitely has more than its fair share of problems. Man Space is here to bring those problems to light for your amusement.

Last Friday, a 65-year old man was murdered under some very odd circumstances. Though I tried to search the Lewiston Sun Journal's website for a link to the story, I could not find one, and had to settle for a report from a Chicago news station. Here is an excerpt from the report:

A man celebrating his 65th birthday was shot to death as he sat at a dinner table with others, and his grown son was charged with murder, police said.
Roland Poirier was shot in the neck Wednesday night through a window.

His 34-year-old son, Scott Poirier, told police he shot his father from the backyard of the home, then stashed a rifle and scope next to his sister's nearby house, according to a police affidavit. Police did not discuss a motive.

The 65-year old man was, obviously, dead at the scene, and the suspect is currently being held in custody with no access to the media.

While this story is not really amusing, it demostrates--in our opinion--just how fucked up Lewiston can be. The fact that this kid shot his father through a window during his birthday celebration with a scoped rifle is beyond bizarre, and something that really can only be understood in the context of Lewiston, a place where people masturbate on porches.

Man Space will keep you updated on any further news regarding this story.

Too Bad This Guy Doesn't Coach Bates

2006-11-14T20:37:00.000-05:00

I found this clip while perusing Deadspin tonight, and could not believe my eyes. The clip is of a minor league manager, named Joe Mikulik, having a serious temper tantrum. It is only three minutes long, so I suggest you take a gander. You can read more about him on Deadspin by clicking here.

The only thing I was wondering while perusing this clip was: what the hell would this guy be like if he coached at Bates? I mean, imagine what he would do to Garcelon field after a football game? Or if he coached basketball or baseball. I mean, it would be historic or something. At least it would be better than watching the teams lose (except this past weekend, which was sweet). Anyway, enjoy.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-14T14:48:00.000-05:00

We need more freshman girls to look like this....and come to our house...

Faces of Hilarity

2006-11-13T15:50:00.000-05:00

Facing a difficult day of hungoverness, I decided that--to my surprise--the best medicine for relief would have been a day of watching football. After a slate of relatively unexciting games and a negative in the gambling category for the early games, my interest in the afternoon games considerably waned. Part of this was due to the FOX matchup of Dallas @ Arizona (and not New Orleans @ Pittsburgh), but also the considerable amount of pot I was about to smoke.

However, my excitement was renewed for the Sunday night tilt in New York after a delivery of some seriously slezzy, but necessary munch from the Lewiston House of Pizza. The Bears and Giants were going to square off in a battle between two of the NFC's best teams with possible home-field advantage on the line. Plus, we had the added bonus of maybe watching Rex Grossman commit six turnovers again. With two resident New Yorkers in the house, it was going to be a good time, no doubt.

The first half really didn't disappoint. Grossman threw a predictable pick that was returned for a touchdown, and the Giants held a three-point lead at the half after a two-minute drive led by Grossman, which ended on a beautiful TD strike with under a minute remaining. With the game close at the half, I was excited about the upcoming half, and possibly a great finish to the game.

But, unfortunately, the Bears made Eli Manning play like a little bitch, and dominated the game. After Devin Hester's amazing TD return, which I felt like I could almost see happening right before it actually did (a terrible decision by Tom Coughlin to kick the field goal), the game dissolved into Bear dominance and my boredom. I was still hungover, and really in no condition to standup and actually do something. So instead of watch the end of a boring game, we perused the channel guide on our cable package and found two great shows on A&E.

The first was called "The Intervention". It was about a woman who was an alcoholic, and the efforts of her family and friends to send her to rehab. We were all pretty entertained by this show: the woman was nuts, the video footage of her wasted was oddly funny, and it was hard not to mock the people trying to help her because they were pretty slezzy. I guess you really had to watch this show to appreciate it. After saying she would go to the rehab, she and her boyfriend--who was a blatant scumbag and loser--skipped their connecting flight from Chicago to California, and instead probably went on a serious binge or something else that alcoholics do. Eventually, she went to a rehab center six months later. My guess is that now she is having a relapse because she seemed like a stupid drunk.

I didn't think that the show that followed really could have been any better, but "Crank: Made in America" clearly outdid its substance abuse-themed predecessor. The show centered around methamphetamines and the depravity that affects their abusers. Crystal Meth has become the worst drug in the country, wrestling that title away from heroin; at the show's conclusion, they say that there is a 6% recovery rate for meth addicts. Yikes.

Anyway, the show was unbelievable. There was footage of meth addicts injecting, blowing, and smoking crystal meth, and then giving their "reasons" for why they do it, and saying they can control their addiction. Blah, blah, blah. Maybe the funniest character in the whole show was not even a meth addict at all. It was this really ugly chick who was pregnant, and the child's father was a meth-head. She and he would go on about how he could control his addiction, would kick it when the child was born, or whatever. Meanwhile, as this soliloquy is being dropped on the viewer, this guy is getting high every fucking scene. It was absurd. In one poignantly hilarious scene, the girl is trying to be righteous and moral, saying that she will not have meth around her baby, and starts crying, and I guess the viewer is supposed to feel sorry for her or something. Well congratulations, chick, you do not want the most debilitating drug around you child. I commend you and nominate you for parent of the fucking year. And maybe the funniest part of this whole exchange is that she was SMOKING A CIGARETTE THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. And it wasn't like it was the first time she bouged (smoked a cigarette) in the entire documentary; she had one in pretty much every scene. What white trash.

"Crank" even featured scenes of raids at meth labs, and an amazing segment on "How to make crystal meth." I know that we were taking notes. Some of the characters they pulled out of the meth labs looked like they were straight out of the Blue Goose or some other hole in Lewiston. They were maniacal and I loved every second of it. Of coures, it all ended with how depressing the life of a crystal meth addict is (no shit), and the dangers of the drugs. The end. The documentary exceeded every expectation I had going in.

After the show was over, I was left thinking what the point of the whole thing was. I know it sounds douche-baggy and insensitive, but the show, for all its depressing realities, was pretty funny. The point is obviously to show the pathetic and depressing existence of drug addicts, while also raising awareness of the dangers of crystal meth. I, truly, find it hard to believe that someone would not know that crystal meth is dangerous (just look at its "ingredients"), and instead looked at these people as dumb and ignorant, with little sympathy. As for trying to make me not want to touch drugs, the description of a meth high as "so good that you will never feel as good unless you are high again" at least made wonder what it felt like. Still, I found the whole thing incredibly engrossing, and I was really unable to pull myself away. So I guess it succeeded in that respect.

All in all, on a scale of 1-10, I would rate the documentary a solid 37. I highly suggest you take a peak at what you might be missing. And if you think I'm an asshole or jerk for finding this stuff funny, I dare you to watch the below video, aptly titled "Faces of Meth", and not crack the slightest smile.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-13T15:02:00.000-05:00

One of the babes in the house said this girl looked trashy. I beg to differ. In fact, she's probably got great hygiene considering she could floss her teeth with that thong....

A Warning to All Men

2006-11-12T22:20:00.000-05:00

I stumbled upon this great piece of literature on the prestigous world wide web. It is a warning all men should be aware of. Read on and become enlightened:

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be
alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females
use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in
bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female
sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go
home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few
units of Beer and then simply ask him home for n o strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men
will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom
they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often
awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night
before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases,
the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a
longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and
sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to
this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male su pport
groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with
similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

Hope you found that entertaining and informative.

Something to Keep in Mind

2006-11-12T21:12:00.000-05:00

One of our renowned contributors stumbled across this link, and I felt it my civic duty to give our readers the same helpful advice. I recommend all guys view this on Friday and Saturday nights before going out carousing. It may save you some serious awkwardness or embarrassment in the morning. And, as always, we wish you the best in your after hours pursuits.

To learn more, follow this link.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-12T18:15:00.000-05:00

I don't think there is a thing that I would not do to get into that pool right now.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-11T15:02:00.000-05:00

This is a pic of the famed FSU girl Jenn Sterger. She gained nationwide fame by coming to Florida State football games dressed as an, um, hooker. I like to think I could see co-eds like this at a Bates football game. But I digress.

Sportsbook Corner

2006-11-10T17:20:00.000-05:00

I love to gamble. Anyone who remotely knows me knows that; it may not be in my family blood, but I caught the disease. Like AIDs, I can't get rid of it. But I am not complaining. There is nothing that gives you a bigger rush than winning a doubled-down hand in blackjack, watching a team cover in the final minutes of a big game, or watching as a beautiful parlay unfolds. Because of the rise of online gambling, betting on sports has become widespread, and, frankly, it makes the games infinitely more exciting. In honor of my addiction, I plan on running a gambling post semi-regularly on Fridays. If you don't gamble you don't have to read, but it still may be entertaining for you and you might learn something or feel better about yourself. I hope this spurs on more gamblers because I think that gambling makes the world a better place. If you think gambling makes you a degenerate, think of it as a way to protest against our reputable President, who recently signed off against online gambling. Asshole. If you don't know anything about betting, I'm here to help of course: here are some instructions. Good luck and let's get it started...

NFL Gambling Season Overview

So far, gambling on the NFL this season has been utterly unpredictable and nearly impossible. If I had to make an analogy I would have to say it's like the Bates hook-up scene for a guy: you work game hard and put in a lot of effort, only to lose waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than you win. That is a reality of Bates, and has been, thus far, a reality for gambling on the NFL this season. Don't believe me? Look at two games from last week: Minnesota @ SF, and Miami @ Chicago. How the fuck could you predict the Bears to lose and the Niner D to give up only 3 points?????? The point is you normally can't, but this year even moreso. But is that going to stop me? Hell no. I want Bodog's money and they want mine. Something has got to give. Let's skim over some lines for this Sunday's slate of potential cash cows or money pits.

Bet the House: Detroit (-6) over San Francisco. There really isn't a game this week that jumps off the screen, but trust me one this one. I'm a Niner fan and I know this team. While last week's win was a surprise, it was not impossible to forecast. They can really only win at home against teams with predictable offenses because the defense is so bad. On the road--in a dome no less--against a team with a solid running back and some big-play potential at receiver screams blow-out. And with the news that the team might move (don't get me started on York) will definitely distract the squad.

Parlay, you say?: If you want to throw a few parlays in there, here are some games that are appealing (pick is the team with spread in parentheses).

Under 38, Tenn @ Bal. Ravens offense? Vince Young vs. Baltimore D? 17-3. 'Nuff said.
KC (-1) @ Mia. I never thought I'd see an NFL game where Damon Huard was a legitimate QB,
Dallas (-7) @ Arz. This has been an odd season for Dallas, even by Cowboy standards, and I'm loving every second of it. But I love Tony Romo's name. And how bad the Cards are. And it's an even money bet!
GB (+5.5) @ Minn. Sure they will lose and it will probably be on a Favre pick, but they always lose close.
Buf @ Ind (-13). JP Losman is now someone you should bet against every Sunday. Congratulations, Bills fans.
Wash (+7) @ Phi. No one can figure out the Iggles, especially Philadelphians. It will continue to unravel.

Stay Away: These are the games that you should treat like a girl with a cold sore. As in, "Stay as far away as possible. Don't touch!"

Den @ Oak, line: 9.5. Seriously, the Broncos should win by 21. But they have trouble scoring and the last time they played, Denver couldn't cover. Plus, Oakland has a good D. But can you really put money on the Raiders? That is the question you should be asking if you think of going against Denver. The under, however...
Chi @ NYG, line: EVEN. Who knows if the Bears are really that good, or if the Giants will suffer from all their injuries?

Appealing College Games:

Ga Tech (-13.5) @ UNC. This isn't basketball.
Cincy @ WVU (-17.5). Self-explanatory.
NC State (+17) @ Clemson. I know, this is a mistake. Whatever.
Georgia @ Auburn (-12.5). Georgia sucks.
Miami (+3.5) @ Maryland. Purely on fumes.
Nebraska @ Texas AM (+1). Home underdog in Texas. Come on.
Cal (-14) @ Arizona. This line should be 21.
ND (-12.5) @ Air Force. I hate ND and betting on them. That said, I think the guy who made this line was drunk.
Tennessee (+6) @ Arkansas. Yeah, the Hogs are good and UT just had some arrests. But Erik Ainge can play, and it will be close; it always is in the SEC. Plus, UT has some guy named Coker on their team. That's awesome.
Alabama @ LSU (-17.5). That said, this won't be.
Wake Forest (+8.5) @ Florida State. Who would ever think this would happen?

NBA: This will be coming soon, but don't worry: I do bet on basketball, too.

Funniest non-sports gambling option: Some online gambling sites have random-ass things you can bet on, like the 2008 Presidential election. The celebrity props are really hilarious. Here is this week's best:

Will Snoop Dogg be sentenced to jail time for possession of a deadly weapon by February 28th, 2007? I'll take no @ -600. Not exactly a pay day, though.

Well, hope you found this somewhat helpful or reassuring if you demean gamblers. We're all winners, really.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-10T11:59:00.000-05:00

I wonder what she's waiting for.........

King Slezar of The Hill People

2006-11-09T11:39:00.000-05:00

Man Space

This is the first chapter in a special Man-Space series: The Book of Slezdom Vol. 1: a short history. This month we shall travel back through time to seek out the origins of our proud and nobel clan. Tonight's series deals with the legend known as King Slezar of The Hill People.

According to various second grade text books, the origins of King Slezar starts right here in the good ole' USA, in a quiet valley known today as Knoxville, Tenn. As the tale goes, this valley was home to a peaceful and industrious people, who were known to roam the hills of their happy little territory. This was before cars and roller-blades, and so naturally the hill people loved to just plain walk around, just for the fuck of it...seriously. Anyway one day a young hillsman was going for one such walk, but it would be a walk like no other he had ever had.

As he strolled along through the forest he suddenly came upon a stream. Yet on closer inspection this was like no other stream he had ever seen...for along its velvety banks was a liquid of the most golden amber he had ever seen. The river also gave off the most glorious fragrance, a delightful bouquet of charcoal mellowed ash and caramel as well as other unidentifiable flavors. The boy was amazed by what he saw and smelled. He approached the stream slowly, almost afraid of its contents. He then knelt beside the stream and brought a handful of liquid to his mouth.

At first the liquid burned his throat and cleared his sinuses, perhaps this stream might have some medicinal purposes, he thought. But as it slowly ran down his throat the magical liquid began to take hold. A deep voice inside the boy suddenly shouted in his ears: "Drink more you pussy, DRINK DRINK DRINK or you'll never be happy ever again!!!" What could the boy do?, he had no choice but to drink until he puked. And puke he did, but it was the greatest puke of his life! After he finished puking his brains out, he began to yip, YIP, YIP! with joy and on his final YIP! he entered into what many modern alcoholics refer to as a "higher state of consciousness", where bottles of booze never became empty, where house plants looked like toilets, where hard concrete sidewalks looked like soft pillows wrapped in Egyptian cotton, and ugly slorish bitches looked like a Man-Space chick of the day. He then passed out buck naked and spread eagle in the middle of a field, a field that his hut-mate frequented...frequently, almost like a field that they both lived in...

Well his friend did return eventually, and he quickly noticed his young friend passed
out. He ran up to his friend and drew a penis on his face, and then after making a rock painting of the hilarious scene for future amusement, he woke his friend up. But he soon realized that some kind of tremendous changed had transformed his friend, for the young boy had awoken...A MAN! A man with a mouth unecumbered by useless front teeth, legs as short and powerful as fire-hydrants and as thick as tree trunks and on top of all this he had the most gloriously round patch of back hair like an island of bouge in a sea of slez!

As the pair returned to the village the people crowded around them in complete awe. From amongst the crowd the little of the smallest villagers stepped forward and said in the littlest kindest of voices: "Who the fuck is that jagoff, he smells like bigfoot's dick!!!

And so the man stepped forward proudly and with a booming Johnny Cash like baritone
exclaimed: I AM KING SLEZAR OF THE HILL PEOPLE!!!

And so the legend of King Slezar was born, and it would continue on to this day. Picture youself last weekend. You wake up in a random part of a random house in a pile of garbage/vomit. Your quickly realize that you're naked, so you take the nearest blanket and wrap it around yourself like a cloak or cape like device. You slowly stumble towards the door and swing it open to find all of your friends sitting around watching college football. They all turn around and look at you, and what comes out of your mouth?!?! I AM KING SLEZAR OF THE HILL PEOPLE!!!!

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-09T11:13:00.000-05:00

Thank God my sister isn't this hot...

Tips for Living Off-Campus: The Toilet Paper Conundrum

2006-11-09T10:03:00.000-05:00

Living off-campus is obviously one of the greatest thing God created, right up there with the thong and internet porn. Living in a house that you can be as loud as you want in, drink as much hard alcohol as you want in, smoke as much weed as you want in, blow as...well let's not get too ahead of ourselves here. Let's just say that it's pretty sweet. Despite the awesomeness, us off-campusers still face hardships in our new glorious lifestyles. Aside from paying rent, there are a myriad of things we obviously took for granted while living on-campus or at home that now prove a burden. So far in 2006-07, one of the most precious commodities that we continually run low or out of is--no, not booze--but toilet paper. Yes, TP--the essence to every man's equilibrium--has been one of those necessary products we have always had, and now that we live on our own, are finding it harder and harder to keep in stock. We feel that it is every college male's right to have TP, regardless of the circumstance, and why the fuck should we have to pay for something that is a right? So, to prevent chaffed asses, disgruntled dumpers, and lighter wallets, here's an experienced swiper's--and wiper's--list of the best places to cop those free rolls of TP at Bates College.

A precious commodity

1. The Commons Bathroom: Walking into the Commons bathroom as a TP-desperate guy is like a porn-depraved man stumbling upon a free password for BangBros.com; it doesn't get any better. Not only is the Commons bathroom large enough to support an easy roll-to-backpack transfer, the bathroom is always stacked to the max. There is even a sign that reads: "Please leave 6 rolls max." Ha. Normally there are least 10 rolls there (I've counted), so, if you don't want them to be suspicious of missing rolls, you can just take enough so that 6 are left. Or you can be greedy and take as many as you can pile into your bag. It really doesn't matter. Once you leave that bathroom, you could not be happier.

2. Library Bathroom: The quiet, cozy bathrooms on all floors of the library provide a perfect environment for the TP taker. Make sure that you lock the door behind you, however, because the bathrooms can have multiple stalls which could lead to a very awkward encounter with an intruder, especially if he or she worked there. These rolls gain bonus points because they are fucking huge; they are nearly twice the size of the standard Commons rolls. We're talkin' industrial here. And if you ever feel guilty about taking these rolls from a public space like the library, just envision that red-haired-leprachaun-gnome's anguish every time he has to replace a missing roll. Puts a smile on my face every time.

3. Custodial Room, Basement of Village 1, 2, or 3: I noticed this place on the first day of school last year, and it has an even bigger stash than Commons, which is pretty impressive. There are two major negatives that come with this territory, however. One, it is not a guaruntee that the door will be unlocked, so you're pretty much hedging your bets and hoping that it will either be unlocked or open, because I would love to see the custodian's reaction to hearing you ask her to open the door. Secondly, it is in blatant view of the public. While not many people frequent the Village basements--with good reason--if you are caught, it would be pretty awkward. And there's a good chance a kid from the Village would probably turn you in, anyways. My reccomendation is Village 2 only because I have seen the stash there, but I imagine they are just as substantial in the other buildings as well.

4. Any dorm bathroom: Of course, if you want the really easy way out, you can just go to a bathroom in any on-campus dorm, or even off-campus house. The dorm bathrooms really don't have many rolls in reserve and there is a chance, if you were in Smith or Hedge, that you could see a freshman, and that would just be weird. I don't reccommend this choice when the aforementioned three are much more viable options.

5. Lane Hall: I have never done this, nor been in the bathrooms in this building, but I would just love to know that I was the guy who took all the TP from one of the bathrooms and left one of the deans, um, out in the dry. Preferably H.Gurney.

That is all I have for you today, but please feel free to point out any places I forgot or ignored. And remember, a lack of TP is a problem we can all overcome together. No one wants to be left hanging on the porcelain. So help out your housemates and take up the issue of toilet paper depletion. It is a right of men.

Hot Chick of The Day

2006-11-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

What would it take? Id sell my brother, that's for sure.

The Idiots Guide to Procrastination

2006-11-07T22:15:00.000-05:00

For all of you out there who are wasting your valuable study time to read this blog, do not feel ashamed. Procrastination is a gift, it is not a burden. If it weren't for procrastination, would we have ever beaten the Germans at Pearl Harbor? Would Ben Franklin have ever invented the car? Would George Bush have ever been elected president? I don't think so. Being the great Americans that we are (or Mexicans in my case) , we should be proud of our great history of procrastination. JFK once said, "it is not what you can do for your country, but it is what your country can do for you". What a brilliant man. Growing up in Philadelphia, procrastination was a way of life. Instead of taking the trash out, we just left it on the streets. Instead of winning championships, we just held it off so our grandchildren can experience the greatness of victory. Instead of trying to settle fights, we just shoot people. See, procrastination can solve many of the problems that have been plaguing the world ever since the Russians landed on Plymouth Rock. So for all you out there who are worrying that you are wasting your time and your parents money, do not be afraid, because it will all work out in the end.

Now, if you don't know how to procrastinate, I have compiled a quick top five list of the easiest, most accessible procrastination techniques:

1) Instead of researching online journals for your term paper, just research five new porn sites that you have never been too!

2) Instead of taking an hour to study for an exam, take an hour to review the top ten plays of the week on NFL.com (or the top ten new stories about Jessica and Nick or Brittany and that slez bag she’s married to).

3) Instead of going for a run, just masturbate (I like to call this procrasturbation).

4) Instead of reading your Bio homework assignment, just smoke a cigarette.

5) And if your totally bogged down by work, and all else fails, just masturbate.

I hope that this has helped some of you out there. Remember, if you dont procrastinate now, than you're probably a loser.

Good night and Good Luck.

The Platonic Sleepover revisited

2006-11-07T16:04:00.000-05:00

While McWino's brief assesment of the platonic sleepover is accurate, there are many questions that still remain. What are some of the possible reasons the platonic sleepover occurs that as men we may overlook? Women can be a tricky being to understand. They naturally have levels of complexity that only the most sensitive of our sex are able to comprehend. Perhaps, the girl does what she does as a test, to discover what kind of guy she may or may not be dealing with. A nice guy or a scumbag? A gentleman or an asshole?

Maybe she stays over because the thought of sleeping in her own bed while her roomate is out romancing makes her jealous. Or more than likely, she sleeps over because the boy who has rejected her is somewhere on campus snuggled into a bed other than his and the thought of it is just too much for her to bare. I'm sure some of us have experienced these feelings at one point or another in our college careers. These are some of the more likely reasons the girl does what she does. Other, less likely reasons are the girl is a straight up cock tease and gets a thrill out of denying acess to her prey. Or maybe shes plays the ultimate hard-to-get game in which she'll only give in to hooking up with him after A) the guys is on his knees begging, or B) he asserts himself upon her (an act that could also lead to at best a slap in the face, and at worse sexual assault charges.) Regardless, unless the girl is slightly mentally ill she's probably not a thrill seeking cock teaser.

However, BEWARE, THESE TYPES OF CHICKS TO EXIST. One can only hope that in this crazy world of college relationships neither the boy or the girl truely understands the nature of the platonic sleepover, or why either partake in it, but that their reasons are innocent and no ones gets hurt.

Links to Check Out

2006-11-07T13:49:00.000-05:00

While this is not going to be a daily occurrence, if Man Space finds some links or internet stories to share, we'll by all means put them out for everyone to view. Just a couple I came across today:

Entertainment--Borat

Top Ten Tips to Make Sexy Time, according to Maxim.com.

Comment: Maybe a bit of overkill, but anything involving Borat just makes me laugh at this point, even if he told me Philadelphia's mom was a whore.

Entertainment--John Holmes

Biography, according to Wikipedia.

Comment: Sometimes, Wikipedia is the gift that just keeps on giving. Here we have an interesting biography of the man whose life was the basis for Dirk Diggler (aka Eddie Adams), Mark Wahlberg's character in Boogie Nights.

Entertainment--Faith Hill

Reaction to losing on the Country Music Awards on Break.com.

Comment: Country music sucks.

College--Partying

Pretty cool picture on College Humor

Comment: Well, Bates partying isn't quite that crazy. But we try. At least.

Sports--Killing a GM

Apparently that's what Lonnie Smith was going to do, according to Deadspin.

Comment: Fuckin nutjob.

Sports--Shots in the Nuts

Here are a couple of clips of people getting hit in the nuts, one from last night's MNF game, a shitty game if there ever was one.

Comments: Who doesn't enjoy nut shots, especially with the added bonus that you get to hear announcer reaction in the backgroud? I could not reccommend the second video clip more strongly. Trust me.

And finally I will leave you with an image of the douchebag who stole my Halloween costume that never was...although the Curious George to his Man in the Yellow Hat definitely beat the monkey that I was planning to spank.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-07T13:40:00.000-05:00

In case you have yet to "relieve" yourself today, this girl is more than willing to offer a helping to your hand...Enjoy.

What We're About

2006-11-06T15:25:00.000-05:00

From this blog's description, you might understand a little bit about what we're all about here at "Man Space". While a bit vague, it gives you an idea about what we value and believe in, and the type of place you're going to visit whenever you come here. But I'm going to dig a little deeper into our credo, for the sake of ourselves and our viewers.

Here at "Man Space" we are just a group of college guys riding out the last few glorious months we have together before we have to enter the real world. Scary, we know. This blog is a way for us to put our thoughts about college, the world, comedy, sports, sex, or anything else that arouses our minds for others to see. As you can see from the first few posts, a wide spectrum of topics will undoubtedly arise. We like it that way. If you're wondering why names of cities appear throughout posts, it's because that is how we refer to one another, so don't be alarmed. Unfortunately, our parents didn't name us after pornstars.

We created this space so that guys can come here and be themselves. We don't pretend to be some kind of omniscent authority, just a group of coming-of-age men figuring things out, putting our minds into the blogosphere, and hopefully inciting a few laughs along the way. We're here for a good time, and, hell, maybe even someone will learn something.

As you'll come to see, we'll have some recurring themed posts ("Hot Chick/Babe of the Day"--pretty self-explanatory), but mainly we're a stream of consciousness blog; we'll let fly about everything and anything we find interesting, troubling, or funny. Just don't have any expectations--we don't.

I hope this little rambling gives you an idea of what "Man Space" is, and, hopefully, the greatness it will become. To conclude, I'll leave you with one of my favorite pictures. It is ESPN college football analyst Lee Corso. Look at the sign in the backgroud over Corso's left shoulder. You can find an interview with the sign creator here.

Take that Sushine Scooter

Monday Blues

2006-11-06T15:07:00.000-05:00

Mondays really are the worst. Some people might argue that sundays are the worst, but at least you have football to watch, hilarious stories from the night before, no classes, and slez munch. But by the time monday morning rolls around, the mystique of the weekend is completely gone, and you're left with a perpetually dehydrated body, and a full week of classes and work ahead of you. To make matters worse, because of the amount of toxins put in your body from the weekend, your brain usually isn't working at full capacity so that class that is usually annoying to sit through suddenly becomes an advanced class in japansese, and you don't understand or care about any of it. However, I've tried to compile a list of advice one can try, to make these mondays go by a little quicker and easier. Here they are:

1. SLEEP AS LATE AS POSSIBLE: chances are you got minimal sleep from the weekend. Perhaps you were playing hide the salami with a little chica till 5 in the morning, or maybe you just blew too much adderol and stayed up till 6 watching shit tv. Regardless of your reason, its important to catch up on sleep, so even if you planned to get up at 7 am monday and get a start on the week, you're really better off just getting that last few hrs of sleep. It will help you more in the long run.

2 DRINK WATER: the actual act of drinking is one of the most natural things in life. Its like breathing, or sleeping, or eating or.....drinking, yeah. Throughout the week you're either drinking water, booze, coffee, or in the case of Long Island, masses amounts of organge something from commons that probably turns your shit green. Anyways, many a monday morning I've woken up and taken a piss only to stare into the toilet and see that my pee is a dark brown, powdery, and smells like an lewiston townie's armpit after a week long crystal meth binge. Luckily there is a remedy for this problem. Its H2O. Its the most abundant resource on our planet, and can be found at water fountains scattered across campus. I suggest you drink a least 3 nalgenes full throughout the day on monday to avoid passing out from deyhydration or developing a kidney stone.

3. MASTURBATION: i'm not really sure why this helps but i know it can't hurt.

4. EXERCISE: i tried it for a couple weeks and while it wasn't fun, it definitley helped.

5. WORK: i know i know. You were hoping this wouldnt be on the list, but remember this site is also designed to help you. I'm not saying you need to hit the library for 6 hrs on monday, but you'll find that an hour or two of homework after dinner will better prepare you for the rest of the week. You may not be that productive but when tuesday rolls around, you will have already knocked off at least some the work you had.

6. MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL: after you've put in that hour or two, the best way to end a shitty day is to sit on your couch and enjoy a true college tradition. Although I'd recommend trying to stay sober based on the fact that you've been drinking all weekend, theres definitley nothing wrong with sitting back with a few painkillers to kill off any remains of those shitty monday blues.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-06T13:26:00.000-05:00

Just some chick I hooked up with this weekend...

Jagzhemash! The Borat Experience

2006-11-05T22:41:00.000-05:00

Before yesterday, the last time I laughed in a movie theater was on the opening night of Old School. Granted, I was blazed out of my mind, but that's routine for any movie-going experience. Yesterday was no different. The old Freshman year crew piled into Simsbury's gas guzzling tank to embark on a 30 mile journey to see the highly anticipated release of Sacha Baron Cohen's film, "Borat". We had all the proper supples: bouge (cigarettes), twet (take a guess), and enough gas (45 gallons) to make it to the closest theater that was showing the film. Arriving just in time, the eight of us piled out of the truck eyes half open and smelling of foreign herbs. No big deal, I mean we were going to see an Ali G movie, isnt that expected? Anyways, Lil'D.C. retrieved the tickets that she fandango'd for us the night before completing the last step in our preparation for this historical event. So we headed in, excited, jittery, and stoned. The previews were long and shitty, but I was really baked so it didnt matter. After 20 minutes, it was finally time for the feature presentation. Excitement filled my body head to toe. As an Ali G fan for at least three years running, I couldnt wait to see what Sacha still had up his sleeve. Could he get even funnier than he already was? Well, the answer is yes. Growing up in the era of Caddy Shack, Dumb and Dumber, Billy Madison, and Old School was like growing up with sports teams that won the championship every year (except Im from Philadelphia so I have no idea what that's like, but you get the point). Bottom line is that Borat was one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Hilariously offensive, outrageously out of line, and strait up unbelievable, "Borat" had men, women, and children of all shapes, sizes, and haircuts on the floor laughing. From shitting in public to attacking Pamela Anderson, Borat managed to infiltrate every facet of American society. He leaves it all out there and holds nothing back. There is no reason to even give examples, because frankly it doesnt do justice to its success. This movie is a must see if you have any interest in seeing where the exciting future of comedy is heading. Blazed or sober, young or old, black or white, Jew or gentile, strait or British, I guarantee that this movie will have you on the floor. Sacha Cohen, god bless you, you have saved comedy and I can only hope that there is more to come. Sheyqui and good night.

The truth about our football team

2006-11-05T22:32:00.000-05:00

Bobcats: 0-7.

I've attended a fair share of my school's football games in my college career. Many a saturday morning I've dragged myself out of bed hungover before noon, which is not an easy thing to do on a saturday. The usual routine involves waking San Fran who normally is just as hung over as I am, showering, hydrating, goin to dunkin donuts, buying beer and getting a quick bite to eat. By 11 am, we've arrived at the tailgate scene only to find that we ARE the tailgate scene. The drinking commences, and by kickoff we're 10 drinks deep, cocktails in hand ready to go. Fortunately, the weather has been nice this year with the exception of the colby game. Unfortunately, the games have not been nice. I'll make it clear now that I have several buddies on the team, and the utmost respect for them, and most of the remainder of the team. As former highschool football player I understand the commitment involved in playing the game of football. Its a rough game, and at the college level, you're probably going to have to endure some serious pain. Anyways, the team has been a severe dissapointment over the past four years, but this year has been the worst. Time and time again they have risen our hopes in the first half, only to smash them later in the second in what is usually a heart-wrenching ending. Im easily the loudest (and drunkest) fan on the sideline, but when the clock runs at the end of the fourth quarter Im shaking my head in silence and wondering how they hell they managed to blow it once again. I'm not going to get into too many details but I will give a generalization of the team. We don't have a very powerful offense. Its leader, our QB has a lot of potential. He's proved himself worthy winning "rookie of the year" his freshman year and some pretty dece numbers. But this year he's been the biggest dissapointment frequently throwing interceptions at the worst times, failing to connect to recievers who were once were easy targets, and generally not producing the big plays needed in the fourth quater to secure some sort of a lead. I feel bad for him though. He's a good guy, plays hard and really wants to succeed but it just ain't happening for him. He drunkenly confided in me last night that he feels like this season has been all his fault, and that he's let down the senoirs on the team, who are not only his teamates, but also roomates and close friends. I was pretty drunk myself, so all I could think of saying at the time in order to avoid any more depression for both of us was simply "hey, there's always next year." When your a red sox fan, phrases like that flow pretty easily from the mouth. But nevertheless, he's not playing like he should be. We have a decent running back, and two very good recievers, but they aren't very much good to us if theres no one that can throw to them. We have arguably the best defensive line in the league, but the rest of the defense, especially the secondary hasn't picked up the slack. But perhaps, our biggest problem is the coaching. A lot of it is bad play calling, but honestly I think it all comes back to practice. The team consistently looks fatigued and lackadaisical in the fourth quater and it results in sloppy play and mistakes. This problem can be solved with better conditioning during practice (especially at the end) so that these guys are better prepared to play at 100% when it really counts. Also, whatever speech he's giving the defense with 5 minutes left in the game isn't working because usually they come out and fuck up right after. But I'm a positive individual so I'm not going to spend the rest of the night bad mouthing the team. I'm also running low on battery and my computer is about to die so im going to wrap this up. Alls im really saying is that the consistent losses have taken the fun out of watching the games, and while at one point I was primed to be on that sideline for every game, drunk and loud, I no longer have the same feeling and will be spending the remaining saturday mornings passed out in my bed, hopefully with a chick next to me, dreaming of a team that never was.

Porch Masturbation

2006-11-05T22:27:00.000-05:00

In his post yesterday, Boston mentioned the greatness that exists in living off of a college campus. I couldn't emphasize this point more, and Boston pretty much did it for me, so I won't go about recanting the reasons. But for every caveat this luxurious lifestyle affords, there are just as many pitfalls, such as paying bills, not having free toilet paper to wipe your ass with, having to deal with actual police rather than the castrated college security, and other things of that ilk. Last Sunday, we oddly realized we were not as safe as when we previously lived on campus. We--and more importantly, our house--were victims of a masturbator. A public masturbator. A public porch masturbator.

On October 29th, the fateful night, two girls were enjoying Chinese food and a new episode of "Desperate Housewives" on the first floor of our home. As the show was coming to its conclusion, something else was coming to one outside on our porch. The girls heard banging on the windows and looked out. To their horror, they saw an erect penis staring at them with one eye. They came screaming up the stairs and recounted the incident to your humbles scribes. With beer bottle, frying pan, ski pole, and toy gun in hand, myself, Philadelphia, Providence, and Long Island ran after the perpetrator. Unfortunately, we could not catch the sick fuck, but he did leave behind something for us to remember him by: his DNA.

To finish this oddly engrossing tale, here are the essential details you need to know:

He gained access to our back porch through a trap door. The porch is directly outside of a window to a room on the first floor of our house and is in the back/side (since we are on the corner of the street). It is about 15 feet long. He was less than ten feet from the two girls, seperated only by a pan of glass.
He was standing on a plastic chair so that he his head would not be in view. Well, actually, that is not completely true. His head was in view; his face was not.
For some reason, this sick fuck really gets off to people seeing him jerk off, so at the moment of climax, he used a piece of metal to bang on the window to get the two girls' attention. Gross.
His semen was on our porch and window. Again, gross.
He fled, and according to the cops, was probably watching the entire commotion afterward. Apparently, this gets him off too. Has this guy ever heard of the freakin' internet?
Also according to the police, he did this at a Subway earlier in the day. Eat Fresh!
In all likelihood, he has facial hair.
From this event, we learned that Lewiston, Maine has the highest concentration of sex offenders in New England. Being a regional outsider, I find this very disturbing, yet somewhat hilarious. And if you've ever been to Lewiston, you would know that it makes perfect sense.

As you can tell, we learned quite a bit about ourselves, our community, our authorities, and public acts of sex. Mainly, that if you do it, you're a sick fuck. This enlightening experience not only made us grimace, laugh, smile, fear for our safety, and even cry (only the girls), but it led us to one of our favorite internet sites, the Maine Sex Offender Registry.

We do not know who desecrated our porch but we hope to find out soon. Now, we can only ponder. We think that it is this guy, but it is kind of shame that it isn't this one. We are thinking about setting up a fund to buy him a laptop computer, internet connection, and a subscription to whatever porn site he wants, no matter how perverse his "type" is. We'll keep you updated for possible donations.

And if we ever find out where he lives, we hope that you will join us in bukkaking his house.

I'll leave you with this video of our most famous public masturbator:

Double Fun

2006-11-05T21:46:00.000-05:00

Boston is right about living off campus. Finally, we have the ability to determine the fate of our college's social scene. As the masters of drinking, bouging, scum-bagging, and babe hunting, we have creatively turned this school into a legitamate party place. Now, dont get me wrong, I still have higher expecatations. In order to have a successful weekend, there are a couple key ingredients: a good party venue, a sufficient amount of alcohol, an even distribution of males and females (preferably more females, good looking ones especially), a positive and motivated party mentality, and as little contact with the authorities as possible. This weekend covered most of those steps, ergo we had a good time. As Boston said, there were some minor confrontations, but necessary ones at that. Just a little advice for all you out there who have never hosted a college social event; you should always respect the people that provide you with beer, babes, and a place to drink. For the love of god is that too much to ask? Also, if you're a goofy white guy with a New England accent and say that you're from Compton, you really need to shape up or ship out. Anyways, I had a bouge (cigarette) and everything was great. Speaking of bouge, I might enjoy a bouge right now, although I fear that it may revitalize my hangover. Well, all I can say is five days until another weekend of sin, I cant wait. God Bless the Eagles and go Bates squash.

Hot Chick of the Day

2006-11-05T21:45:00.000-05:00

This is our first Hot Chick of the Day. We will post daily girls that we encounter surfing the web. I can't tell you this girls name, but I can tell you shes likely to turn heads...and raise a few too....Enjoy!

Fun

2006-11-04T15:44:00.000-05:00

Living off campus is fun. You don't have assholes living on your hallway. You dont have to go in and out using an acess card. You can be loud as you want (most of the time). But most importantly you can buy copious amounts of alcohol, both hard and (soft?), throw large parties, and spit game to unsuspecting younger females. Last night we had a semi-large gathering at our house. We plopped down a keg around 8 and by 11 o'clock there were probably close to 60 people in the house, most of which we didnt know, but thats not anything new. The night went well for the most part. We ran out of beer at one point but this problem was quickly solved by a trip to 7-11 and a purchase of 6 30 racks. There was a slight incident at the end of the night when philadelphia got in an argument with a guy (not from our school) who claimed he grew up in compton, and was 23. In reality he was probably from some obscure town in the middle of Maine, and was 18 yrs old. We finally kicked him out, and I watched television until about four by myself due to the fact that I had some uppers in the nasal membrane.