Turkey with a Side of Bodog

Coming on the heels of winning two parlays last night, I've decided to reopen my sportsbook to you all. Since Thanksgiving is a holiday of food, football and hangovers, it goes without saying that gambling is--and should be--involved. That is why I'm here. Let's take a brief glance at the games of tomorrow, which you should be watching pretty hungover. And if you're not, do yourself a favor and never come back to Man Space ever again.

As usual, all the following lines are from Bodog.com and at the time of post, and the pick is the team with spread in parentheses.

Dolphins (-3) @ Detroit: The pick here is Miami for the simple fact that Detroit is pathetically atrocious. I never thought I would ever put money on Joey Harrington, but the Lions have become so comically bad, that a Joey Harrington quarterbacked team is actually favored on the road. Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Probably. Think of the vindication he would have if they won, too. On a side note, ESPN ran a feature with the "all-unheralded team" today, and the quarterback was Jon Kitna. What the hell is he unheralded for? Being bad? Losing more games than he wins? Making back-breaking turnovers at crucial moments of the game? Sometimes the Worldwide Leader is just retarded, plain and simple.

Tampa Bay @ Dallas (-11): Normally, I tend to stay away from non-college games with double digit spreads, but, as Borat would say: "I Like!" Fresh of his date with Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo is sitting on top of the world (and now has an endless supply of Imagination Station material). The Bucs have been dreadful this year, and there is no way a Polish quarterback will overcome this Parcells defense. I mean, the Poles got destroyed in something called World War II, and since every football game is a war or "fill in the term to exaggerate everything that has to do with the NFL and football", how can we trust a guy with history as a loser? Am I alone here?

Denver @ Kansas City (-1): Leave it up to the NFL to screw the fan over once again. Two terrible games on primetime networks, and then they throw this game, unquestionably one of the top games of the week, on the fucking NFL Network. What the hell, Roger Goodell? Sometimes, I really just can't stand everything about the NFL. Then, the Niners go and win three straight, and I'm transfixed once again. It's the cyclical life of a football fan. The final score of this game will definitely be low, so the under is looking attractive as well.

Attractive Lines:

• Texas A&M (+13) @ Texas: It's a rivalry game, and Colt McCoy is hurt. Is this a joke?
• Cincy (-4.5) @ UConn: Let down after Rutgers? I don't think so.
• Georgia Tech (+2) @ Georgia: Did they forget that Georgia's quarterbacks are terrible?
• Boise State (-3) @ Nevada: It is the biggest game in school history. Do you think they'll blow it?
• Notre Dame (+7.5) @ USC: I want the Trojans to win, but this is an absurdly high line.
• Carolina (-4) @ Washington: We've switched to the NFL. Jason Campbell, meet Julius Peppers. You'll know him as the guy that is pulling you to the ground all game long.
• Oakland @ San Diego (-13.5): This is going to be ugly. Superugly.
• Philadelphia @ Indianapolis (-9.5): Let the Jeff Garcia roadshow begin. Sorry, Philly, you can't be helped.
• San Francisco (+6) @ St. Louis: Get on the bandwagon, here come the Niners! They've won three straight, St. Louis has lost five straight, and the defense has perked up. God they better not blow this one.

Makin' dollars not cents

Cold Sore Game: You remember. Treat these games like the girl you see when you're out carousing who has a cold sore. As in, "Stay as far away as possible".

• Chicago @ New England (-3): I still don't trust Rex Grossman. The Pats haven't played great recently, but they are at home. Play at your own risk.
• Pittsburgh @ Baltimore (-3.5): I just don't know about the Ravens. Are they the luckiest team in NFL history? Seriously. Despite Big Ben's poor play, he's been able to pull a couple of wins out of his ass. I still don't like him, nor this matchup. Shouldn't be a pleasure to watch, either.

Funny Non-Sports Gambling Prop: There are so many reasons why I love Bodog, but the non-sports gambling options really get me. This week's favorite, below.

• "Who will Britney Spears publicly date next?" Yes, you read that right: this is a betting option. It narrowly edged out "Will Britney Spears apply to have the last names of Jayden James Federline and Sean Preston Federline legally changed to Spears by December 31st, 2006?" I just think the top one can't be topped. Bodog, I love you.

Enjoy your munching and football tomorrow. And best of luck to you gamblers, may the spreads be with you.