The Idiots Guide to Procrastination

For all of you out there who are wasting your valuable study time to read this blog, do not feel ashamed. Procrastination is a gift, it is not a burden. If it weren't for procrastination, would we have ever beaten the Germans at Pearl Harbor? Would Ben Franklin have ever invented the car? Would George Bush have ever been elected president? I don't think so. Being the great Americans that we are (or Mexicans in my case) , we should be proud of our great history of procrastination. JFK once said, "it is not what you can do for your country, but it is what your country can do for you". What a brilliant man. Growing up in Philadelphia, procrastination was a way of life. Instead of taking the trash out, we just left it on the streets. Instead of winning championships, we just held it off so our grandchildren can experience the greatness of victory. Instead of trying to settle fights, we just shoot people. See, procrastination can solve many of the problems that have been plaguing the world ever since the Russians landed on Plymouth Rock. So for all you out there who are worrying that you are wasting your time and your parents money, do not be afraid, because it will all work out in the end.

Now, if you don't know how to procrastinate, I have compiled a quick top five list of the easiest, most accessible procrastination techniques:

1) Instead of researching online journals for your term paper, just research five new porn sites that you have never been too!

2) Instead of taking an hour to study for an exam, take an hour to review the top ten plays of the week on NFL.com (or the top ten new stories about Jessica and Nick or Brittany and that slez bag she’s married to).

3) Instead of going for a run, just masturbate (I like to call this procrasturbation).

4) Instead of reading your Bio homework assignment, just smoke a cigarette.

5) And if your totally bogged down by work, and all else fails, just masturbate.

I hope that this has helped some of you out there. Remember, if you dont procrastinate now, than you're probably a loser.

Good night and Good Luck.