Just In: Joe Buck and Troy Aikman Not Gay

When FOX allowed their top broadcasting team of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman to bring their children into the booth to wish the viewing audience a Happy Thanksgiving, it proved to America that they were, in fact, not gay. This came as a jarring surprise to probably everyone viewing the game, and especially us over here at Man Space, who have believed Buck and Aikman to be homosexuals for over a year now. It's not like there is anything wrong with being gay, but we believe that it would be kind of ironic if a network's premier broadcasting team of the manliest of manly sports (we're not talking squash here) were, in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, "girly men".

It is not like Buck and Aikman, though, were not trying to dispel these suspicions, even on the day of the truth revelation. About 30 minutes after the pair's set of daughters left the booth, the FOX camera crew panned to the halftime crew preparing for the halftime show, which was basically watching them have makeup put on. Of course, this got Buck and Aikman all giddy. The pair began a long discussion about wearing makeup, and Buck even admitted that he wore so much that he need to chisel it off. Wow. But that wasn't even the best admission of the two. Aikman began to question why Buck even needed to wear so much foundation and other crap, citing that it was unnecessary because he was so young. Aikman confided that he understood why they were loading up the bald-as-shit Terry Bradshaw, but couldn't comprehend why Buck would require so much facial attention. After he made this statement, the camera settled on Howie Long, who was not being doctored at all. Aikman noticed this, and uttered "Howie doesn't need any makeup because he is so naturally good looking." At that point I said to myself: "This needs to go to Man Space." Is Troy serious? It literally sounded like he was interested, if you catch my drift.

And this was probably not the most blatant instance of sexual ambiguity that this twosome has revealed. Last year, Man Space was viewing an Eagles-Chiefs matchup that Buck and Aikman were announcing. At halftime, Aikman began to dance and Buck gushed on his "moves" and proceeded to--while the camera was on the two in the booth--check out Aikman, head to toe. I am not kidding. Philly, Boston, Long Island, and Brooklyn were there, and we DVRed the thing at least 10 times. It was one of the best moments of my life. I could not believe it.

All of these musings really makes me wonder whether those really were the daughters of Buck and Aikman. They could of just been hired by FOX to act as their children for Thanksgivings sake. I don't know the truth, but I guess I will just have to take them at their word. I'm looking forward to seeing what Mrs. Buck and Mrs. Aikman have up their sleeve for the second half. Even though they may not be each other's butt-buddies, at least they still act like it on national television.