Sportsbook Corner

I love to gamble. Anyone who remotely knows me knows that; it may not be in my family blood, but I caught the disease. Like AIDs, I can't get rid of it. But I am not complaining. There is nothing that gives you a bigger rush than winning a doubled-down hand in blackjack, watching a team cover in the final minutes of a big game, or watching as a beautiful parlay unfolds. Because of the rise of online gambling, betting on sports has become widespread, and, frankly, it makes the games infinitely more exciting. In honor of my addiction, I plan on running a gambling post semi-regularly on Fridays. If you don't gamble you don't have to read, but it still may be entertaining for you and you might learn something or feel better about yourself. I hope this spurs on more gamblers because I think that gambling makes the world a better place. If you think gambling makes you a degenerate, think of it as a way to protest against our reputable President, who recently signed off against online gambling. Asshole. If you don't know anything about betting, I'm here to help of course: here are some instructions. Good luck and let's get it started...

NFL Gambling Season Overview

So far, gambling on the NFL this season has been utterly unpredictable and nearly impossible. If I had to make an analogy I would have to say it's like the Bates hook-up scene for a guy: you work game hard and put in a lot of effort, only to lose waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than you win. That is a reality of Bates, and has been, thus far, a reality for gambling on the NFL this season. Don't believe me? Look at two games from last week: Minnesota @ SF, and Miami @ Chicago. How the fuck could you predict the Bears to lose and the Niner D to give up only 3 points?????? The point is you normally can't, but this year even moreso. But is that going to stop me? Hell no. I want Bodog's money and they want mine. Something has got to give. Let's skim over some lines for this Sunday's slate of potential cash cows or money pits.

Bet the House: Detroit (-6) over San Francisco. There really isn't a game this week that jumps off the screen, but trust me one this one. I'm a Niner fan and I know this team. While last week's win was a surprise, it was not impossible to forecast. They can really only win at home against teams with predictable offenses because the defense is so bad. On the road--in a dome no less--against a team with a solid running back and some big-play potential at receiver screams blow-out. And with the news that the team might move (don't get me started on York) will definitely distract the squad.

Parlay, you say?: If you want to throw a few parlays in there, here are some games that are appealing (pick is the team with spread in parentheses).

• Under 38, Tenn @ Bal. Ravens offense? Vince Young vs. Baltimore D? 17-3. 'Nuff said.
• KC (-1) @ Mia. I never thought I'd see an NFL game where Damon Huard was a legitimate QB,
• Dallas (-7) @ Arz. This has been an odd season for Dallas, even by Cowboy standards, and I'm loving every second of it. But I love Tony Romo's name. And how bad the Cards are. And it's an even money bet!
  
• GB (+5.5) @ Minn. Sure they will lose and it will probably be on a Favre pick, but they always lose close.
• Buf @ Ind (-13). JP Losman is now someone you should bet against every Sunday. Congratulations, Bills fans.
  
• Wash (+7) @ Phi. No one can figure out the Iggles, especially Philadelphians. It will continue to unravel.

Stay Away: These are the games that you should treat like a girl with a cold sore. As in, "Stay as far away as possible. Don't touch!"

• Den @ Oak, line: 9.5. Seriously, the Broncos should win by 21. But they have trouble scoring and the last time they played, Denver couldn't cover. Plus, Oakland has a good D. But can you really put money on the Raiders? That is the question you should be asking if you think of going against Denver. The under, however...
  
• Chi @ NYG, line: EVEN. Who knows if the Bears are really that good, or if the Giants will suffer from all their injuries?
  

Appealing College Games:

• Ga Tech (-13.5) @ UNC. This isn't basketball.
• Cincy @ WVU (-17.5). Self-explanatory.
• NC State (+17) @ Clemson. I know, this is a mistake. Whatever.
• Georgia @ Auburn (-12.5). Georgia sucks.
• Miami (+3.5) @ Maryland. Purely on fumes.
• Nebraska @ Texas AM (+1). Home underdog in Texas. Come on.
• Cal (-14) @ Arizona. This line should be 21.
• ND (-12.5) @ Air Force. I hate ND and betting on them. That said, I think the guy who made this line was drunk.
• Tennessee (+6) @ Arkansas. Yeah, the Hogs are good and UT just had some arrests. But Erik Ainge can play, and it will be close; it always is in the SEC. Plus, UT has some guy named Coker on their team. That's awesome.
  
• Alabama @ LSU (-17.5). That said, this won't be.
• Wake Forest (+8.5) @ Florida State. Who would ever think this would happen?

NBA: This will be coming soon, but don't worry: I do bet on basketball, too.

Funniest non-sports gambling option: Some online gambling sites have random-ass things you can bet on, like the 2008 Presidential election. The celebrity props are really hilarious. Here is this week's best:

• Will Snoop Dogg be sentenced to jail time for possession of a deadly weapon by February 28th, 2007? I'll take no @ -600. Not exactly a pay day, though.

Well, hope you found this somewhat helpful or reassuring if you demean gamblers. We're all winners, really.